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Showing posts with label Gossip. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gossip. Show all posts
Saturday, May 14, 2011
I Ain't One To Gossip, Because........
Saturday, April 2, 2011
I Ain't One To Gossip, But........
Charlie Sheen unlocked the door to his subbasement of crazy this week.
It seems that right after Charlie went nuts the last time, and then took his crazy to the airwaves and got fired from his job, he was fond of calling ex-wife, and mother to two of his children, Denise Richards, "fabulous" and "smoking hot."
He also said that he loves her "to death."
Now he's changed that statement, saying he'd love her to die.
His mood went from love to hate because of the unconscionable thing Denise Richards did: she rebuffed his request to allow their daughters, Sam and Lola, to be a part of that drugged-out, manic, crazy-fueled Dateline special.
Now, Charlie has taken to his Twitter feed--shouldn't his be called Nit-witter? Think about it--to call the once-'fabulous' Denise a "traitor and loser whore" and "dog thief."
Dog thief? How dare he!
A source--and by source I mean the porn star who holds the crack pipe for Charlie when he's too high to do it himself--says, "Denise didn't steal the dogs, he gave them back to her...[and they]...were in horrendous shape. He doesn't want the dogs, he wants to fight!"
And he did fight, Twatting: "We must bombard with Warlock Napalm, that traitor and loser whore #DUH-neese POOR-ards. a vile kidnapper and now dog thief. hate."
What's odd, and really, what isn't odd about Charlie Sheen these days, is that the dogs were actually Denise's dogs, but after she and Sheen divorced she let him keep them at his house so that when their daughters came to visit, "they would feel more at home." She only took them back after his NYC-Hooker-In-A-Cupboard escapade, and one of the dogs has since died.
One of these people is a parent, the other is a crazed, drug-addicted menace.
Hey, why shouldn't she?
Diddy did it. So did Madonna and Prince. Cher was probably the first--unless you count Jesus. But Liza's done it, and GaGa will no doubt soon be doing it, too.
So why shouldn't Lindsay Lohan?
It seems that La Lohan is sick of having a tie to her wack-nut father, and now wants to surgically remove the Lohan from her name, and forever be known as Lindsay.
A source--and by source, I mean Dina Lohan,Lindsay's enabler, and the spender of all the Lindsay money that still comes in from ventures like the Lohan Leggings and such--says, "Lindsay is dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay. Plus, me and [younger daughter] Ali will be officially changing our last names back to my maiden name, Sullivan."
Oh, Dina, you self-obsessed hack; you'll never change your name back to Sullivan. You'll keep the Lohan, because how else will anyone know who you are?
Well, you could change your name to Dina Famewhore.
Dina Spongingoffherdrugaddictkids.
Dina Doesn'twork.
Dina Moron.
Moron works because it sounds like Lohan.
Meanwhile, Back at Lindsay Lohan.
A family friend--and by friend, I mean the guy that distracts the jewelry store clerk while Lindsay fills her bag with necklaces--says, "So many of the greatest [sidenote: sorry to interrupt, but is he calling Lindsay one of the greatest? Tee hee] people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list. And it's a way for them all to start over. No one in the family want anything to do with Lindsay's father [Michael Lohan] anymore and that includes sharing a last name."
After all is said and done, I think we will be calling Lindsay Lohan by a single name:
Prisoner.
Don't you hate it when you get engaged and plan a fabulous wedding and buy a beautiful white dress and get your hurr did and nails done and fresh makeup troweled on and someone comes to your nuptials and steals the show?
Then you must know how Reese Witherspoon feels.
It seems that this past weekend Reese tied the knot with Jim Toth. And she wanted her friends, and, of course, the Hollywood A-listers, to share in her joy. But dammit it all to hell, Reese was upstaged at her own wedding by the arrival of new supercouple, Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn.
A source--and by source, I mean the bridesmaid who broke the news to Reese--says, "Scarlett is Jim's client, but no one, including the bride, knew she would have turned up with Sean Penn. Turning up at a wedding with your boyfriend is definitely a huge statement, especially that wedding. What it's doing is announcing to the whole of Hollywood that they are serious."
Now, rather than everyone talking about the blushing bride and her new second husband, all mouths are agape about Scarlett and Sean.
Always a bride, never the center of attention, eh Reese?
Table-flipping,face-punching, foul-mouthed, bankruptcy-filing, one-head--look at her, that's no forehead, it's a one-head--'Real Housewives of New Jersey' star Teresa Giudice is dealing with yet another headache involving her husband.
It seems Joe Giudice, Teresa's numbskulled, thicknecked husband, was arrested at the family's New Jersey--soon to be auctioned off to pay bills--home last week, and charged with fraudulently obtaining a state driver's license.
Joe could face more than ten years behind bars.
That sound you hear is Teresa flipping a table.
It seems that last year, thug-lite Joe ALLEGEDLY went to the motor vehicles department, presented his brother's identification materials--ALLEGEDLY his own brother's marriage license and birth certificate--and got a driver's license for his own use.
Now, why would serial loser Joe need to do that, eh?
His own license had been suspended. And , the wonder daddy of four served eight days of a ten-day sentence last fall for driving with a suspended license. The license was first suspended in January 2010, when Joe crashed his car in the wee hours of the morning.
What a lovely man. Drunkard. DUI'er. Impersonator of his own brother.
And what about that lovely wife if his. Where was Teresa when Joe was arrested? Well, she had a scheduled appearance at a casino in the Pocono's--I believe it was in one of those 'Poke A Fame Obsessed Reality Star booths--so she had her family post bail for her husband.
In fact, on Twitter, or, like Charlie Sheen when it's Teresa Giudice, it should be Nit-witter, she didn't even acknowledge her husband's arrest: "Hanging out with my honey at Mt Airy Casino. Just finished dinner now we are going to check out the scene."
And see about getting a fake ID, eh Joe?
Nearly two years after he shoved his face into a piece of scenery during the Tony Awards, Bret Michaels has decided to sue the program.
In a lawsuit targeted at Tony Awards Productions, CBS and a boat load of others, for unspecified [i.e. scads] damages and costs. Michaels says he “suffered a near fatal subarachnoid hemorrhage."
Odd, because at the time he said he just had to get stitches for a cut lip.
His lawsuit goes on to say that "[t]hrough his sheer will to live, see his children grow up, Michaels was able to survive this trauma. Although he put a brave face on for the public, the fact is that the injury left Michaels clinging for his life and in excruciating agony. It was only through months of hard work and dedication – that continue to this day – that Michaels has been able to resume some semblance of his life and career.”
Hmmm, after that horrendous smack in the face by a screen, didn't he appear on The Hair's reality show? And wasn't he on every single talk show, rattling on about his brain injury and how he battled back from the brink of death without ever once mentioning that his traumatic head banging was a result of the Tony Awards faulty screen lowering?
Me thinks someone has huge medical bills to pay, and he wants Tony to cough up the dough.
Someone oughta smack him in the head.
Chris Brown.
He beats up his girlfriend and gets a little fine and some community service, along with a couple of anger management courses.
M'kay.
Then he goes and ALLEGEDLY 'rihanna's' his dressing room at Good Morning America last week because Robin Roberts dared to ask him about the beating of his ex-girlfriend.
Now, probably the worst thing that could happen tot his poor man, is he is being snubbed by a couple of celebrity dancers on 'Dancing With The Stars'.
Oh, the humanity!
It seems Brown got a chilly welcome from some of the celebrities when he performed in the ballroom this week, especially from Kirstie Alley, Wendy Williams and domestic abuse victim, Cheryl Burke, who said, "As a victim of domestic violence, I don't agree with him coming on the show, but it's out of my control."
I agree, he isn't, or maybe wasn't, a good guy, but do we hold that grudge forever, or do we move on?
And Wendy Williams--whom I love for the fact that she doesn't know when to keep quiet--has been quite vocal about her dislike for Chris ever since he attacked then-girlfriend Rihanna in 2009. After his 'GMA' blowup, she said on her talk show that she was "disgusted with this little boy."
I imagine she was more than chilly when he showed up on DWTS.
Kirstie Alley, while she get her yap closed, except when she was eating, basically stayed clear away from Brown while he was in the building.
But even show host Tom Bergeron warned that there might be trouble if he had to interview Brown. "I did say to the producers that it might be to their advantage to not have me interview him, because my natural tendency would be to say something."
i understand the disgust.
I understand the anger.
But how long does Chris Brown have to pay for this? Now, don't get me wrong, I don't like the guy, and, had I been a part of the show--[sidenote: I giggle, picturing myself doing the cha cha]--I would have steered clear of him, too.
But I'd'a kept my mouth shut.
You can come to the party in an egg.
You can come to the party in a meat dress.
You can come to the party with a plastic lobster on your head.
But DO NOT get drunk and play the fool at a Lady Gaga birthday party.
We have Adam Lambert to thank for this lesson, and I'm sure there will be a PSA about it soon.....The more you know......shooting star!
It seems that close friends of Gagas--and I believe that means the good folks at Egglands Best and the Meat council--threw her a surprise 25th birthday party at La Cita Bar over the weekend, and Adam Lambert--not one of the official guests...party crasher--came as a guest of Scissor Sisters.
And came drunk. ALLEGDLY.
Perez Hilton who was also at the party--because he's had his enormous pink-haired head up Gaga's ass since day one--says Adam Lambert began some intense fist-pumping and kept beating on the walls until he actually punched a hole in the bar's low ceiling.
A source--and by source I mean the minion who carried Gaga around in an enormous Gucci bag--says, "Adam acted like an animal. He kept jumping up on the tables and chairs and screaming. When they brought the cake out he tried to smear it in Gaga's face and put a doll from the cake in her mouth!"
Then he tried to sing to Gaga.
How.Rude.
Singing. To the birthday girl. At her birthday party. How.Rude.
But, ALLEGEDLY, that was the final straw in Gaga's scarecrow headpiece, and she ordered her security team--AKA The Keebler Elves--to throw Lambert out.
And, as we are all apt to do these days--except me, because I don't Tweet--Lambert later tweeted: "Was trying for celebratory gesture 4 gaga's B- piñata style...instead my fist is all bruised and la cita has a hole in the ceiling. #sloppy".
Indeed.
But I hear his mascara never ran.
Now that's a star!
It seems that right after Charlie went nuts the last time, and then took his crazy to the airwaves and got fired from his job, he was fond of calling ex-wife, and mother to two of his children, Denise Richards, "fabulous" and "smoking hot."
Now he's changed that statement, saying he'd love her to die.
His mood went from love to hate because of the unconscionable thing Denise Richards did: she rebuffed his request to allow their daughters, Sam and Lola, to be a part of that drugged-out, manic, crazy-fueled Dateline special.
Now, Charlie has taken to his Twitter feed--shouldn't his be called Nit-witter? Think about it--to call the once-'fabulous' Denise a "traitor and loser whore" and "dog thief."
Dog thief? How dare he!
A source--and by source I mean the porn star who holds the crack pipe for Charlie when he's too high to do it himself--says, "Denise didn't steal the dogs, he gave them back to her...[and they]...were in horrendous shape. He doesn't want the dogs, he wants to fight!"
And he did fight, Twatting: "We must bombard with Warlock Napalm, that traitor and loser whore #DUH-neese POOR-ards. a vile kidnapper and now dog thief. hate."
What's odd, and really, what isn't odd about Charlie Sheen these days, is that the dogs were actually Denise's dogs, but after she and Sheen divorced she let him keep them at his house so that when their daughters came to visit, "they would feel more at home." She only took them back after his NYC-Hooker-In-A-Cupboard escapade, and one of the dogs has since died.
One of these people is a parent, the other is a crazed, drug-addicted menace.
Hey, why shouldn't she?
Diddy did it. So did Madonna and Prince. Cher was probably the first--unless you count Jesus. But Liza's done it, and GaGa will no doubt soon be doing it, too.
It seems that La Lohan is sick of having a tie to her wack-nut father, and now wants to surgically remove the Lohan from her name, and forever be known as Lindsay.
A source--and by source, I mean Dina Lohan,Lindsay's enabler, and the spender of all the Lindsay money that still comes in from ventures like the Lohan Leggings and such--says, "Lindsay is dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay. Plus, me and [younger daughter] Ali will be officially changing our last names back to my maiden name, Sullivan."
Oh, Dina, you self-obsessed hack; you'll never change your name back to Sullivan. You'll keep the Lohan, because how else will anyone know who you are?
Well, you could change your name to Dina Famewhore.
Dina Spongingoffherdrugaddictkids.
Dina Doesn'twork.
Dina Moron.
Moron works because it sounds like Lohan.
Meanwhile, Back at Lindsay Lohan.
A family friend--and by friend, I mean the guy that distracts the jewelry store clerk while Lindsay fills her bag with necklaces--says, "So many of the greatest [sidenote: sorry to interrupt, but is he calling Lindsay one of the greatest? Tee hee] people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list. And it's a way for them all to start over. No one in the family want anything to do with Lindsay's father [Michael Lohan] anymore and that includes sharing a last name."
After all is said and done, I think we will be calling Lindsay Lohan by a single name:
Prisoner.
Don't you hate it when you get engaged and plan a fabulous wedding and buy a beautiful white dress and get your hurr did and nails done and fresh makeup troweled on and someone comes to your nuptials and steals the show?
Then you must know how Reese Witherspoon feels.
A source--and by source, I mean the bridesmaid who broke the news to Reese--says, "Scarlett is Jim's client, but no one, including the bride, knew she would have turned up with Sean Penn. Turning up at a wedding with your boyfriend is definitely a huge statement, especially that wedding. What it's doing is announcing to the whole of Hollywood that they are serious."
Now, rather than everyone talking about the blushing bride and her new second husband, all mouths are agape about Scarlett and Sean.
Always a bride, never the center of attention, eh Reese?
Table-flipping,face-punching, foul-mouthed, bankruptcy-filing, one-head--look at her, that's no forehead, it's a one-head--'Real Housewives of New Jersey' star Teresa Giudice is dealing with yet another headache involving her husband.
Joe could face more than ten years behind bars.
That sound you hear is Teresa flipping a table.
It seems that last year, thug-lite Joe ALLEGEDLY went to the motor vehicles department, presented his brother's identification materials--ALLEGEDLY his own brother's marriage license and birth certificate--and got a driver's license for his own use.
Now, why would serial loser Joe need to do that, eh?
His own license had been suspended. And , the wonder daddy of four served eight days of a ten-day sentence last fall for driving with a suspended license. The license was first suspended in January 2010, when Joe crashed his car in the wee hours of the morning.
What a lovely man. Drunkard. DUI'er. Impersonator of his own brother.
And what about that lovely wife if his. Where was Teresa when Joe was arrested? Well, she had a scheduled appearance at a casino in the Pocono's--I believe it was in one of those 'Poke A Fame Obsessed Reality Star booths--so she had her family post bail for her husband.
In fact, on Twitter, or, like Charlie Sheen when it's Teresa Giudice, it should be Nit-witter, she didn't even acknowledge her husband's arrest: "Hanging out with my honey at Mt Airy Casino. Just finished dinner now we are going to check out the scene."
And see about getting a fake ID, eh Joe?
Nearly two years after he shoved his face into a piece of scenery during the Tony Awards, Bret Michaels has decided to sue the program.
Odd, because at the time he said he just had to get stitches for a cut lip.
His lawsuit goes on to say that "[t]hrough his sheer will to live, see his children grow up, Michaels was able to survive this trauma. Although he put a brave face on for the public, the fact is that the injury left Michaels clinging for his life and in excruciating agony. It was only through months of hard work and dedication – that continue to this day – that Michaels has been able to resume some semblance of his life and career.”
Hmmm, after that horrendous smack in the face by a screen, didn't he appear on The Hair's reality show? And wasn't he on every single talk show, rattling on about his brain injury and how he battled back from the brink of death without ever once mentioning that his traumatic head banging was a result of the Tony Awards faulty screen lowering?
Me thinks someone has huge medical bills to pay, and he wants Tony to cough up the dough.
Someone oughta smack him in the head.
Chris Brown.
He beats up his girlfriend and gets a little fine and some community service, along with a couple of anger management courses.
M'kay.
Now, probably the worst thing that could happen tot his poor man, is he is being snubbed by a couple of celebrity dancers on 'Dancing With The Stars'.
Oh, the humanity!
It seems Brown got a chilly welcome from some of the celebrities when he performed in the ballroom this week, especially from Kirstie Alley, Wendy Williams and domestic abuse victim, Cheryl Burke, who said, "As a victim of domestic violence, I don't agree with him coming on the show, but it's out of my control."
I agree, he isn't, or maybe wasn't, a good guy, but do we hold that grudge forever, or do we move on?
And Wendy Williams--whom I love for the fact that she doesn't know when to keep quiet--has been quite vocal about her dislike for Chris ever since he attacked then-girlfriend Rihanna in 2009. After his 'GMA' blowup, she said on her talk show that she was "disgusted with this little boy."
I imagine she was more than chilly when he showed up on DWTS.
Kirstie Alley, while she get her yap closed, except when she was eating, basically stayed clear away from Brown while he was in the building.
But even show host Tom Bergeron warned that there might be trouble if he had to interview Brown. "I did say to the producers that it might be to their advantage to not have me interview him, because my natural tendency would be to say something."
i understand the disgust.
I understand the anger.
But how long does Chris Brown have to pay for this? Now, don't get me wrong, I don't like the guy, and, had I been a part of the show--[sidenote: I giggle, picturing myself doing the cha cha]--I would have steered clear of him, too.
But I'd'a kept my mouth shut.
You can come to the party in an egg.
You can come to the party in a meat dress.
You can come to the party with a plastic lobster on your head.
But DO NOT get drunk and play the fool at a Lady Gaga birthday party.
It seems that close friends of Gagas--and I believe that means the good folks at Egglands Best and the Meat council--threw her a surprise 25th birthday party at La Cita Bar over the weekend, and Adam Lambert--not one of the official guests...party crasher--came as a guest of Scissor Sisters.
And came drunk. ALLEGDLY.
Perez Hilton who was also at the party--because he's had his enormous pink-haired head up Gaga's ass since day one--says Adam Lambert began some intense fist-pumping and kept beating on the walls until he actually punched a hole in the bar's low ceiling.
A source--and by source I mean the minion who carried Gaga around in an enormous Gucci bag--says, "Adam acted like an animal. He kept jumping up on the tables and chairs and screaming. When they brought the cake out he tried to smear it in Gaga's face and put a doll from the cake in her mouth!"
Then he tried to sing to Gaga.
How.Rude.
Singing. To the birthday girl. At her birthday party. How.Rude.
But, ALLEGEDLY, that was the final straw in Gaga's scarecrow headpiece, and she ordered her security team--AKA The Keebler Elves--to throw Lambert out.
And, as we are all apt to do these days--except me, because I don't Tweet--Lambert later tweeted: "Was trying for celebratory gesture 4 gaga's B- piñata style...instead my fist is all bruised and la cita has a hole in the ceiling. #sloppy".
Indeed.
But I hear his mascara never ran.
Now that's a star!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
I Ain't One To Gossip, But.......
Color me stunned, not purple.
See what I did there?
Anyhoooo, people were all speculatin' that James Franco was high when he hosted the Oscars this year; well, maybe not people, but I was. And now comes word that Whoopi Goldberg has admitted, on a video clip, that she was stoned when she accepted her Oscar in 1991 for her role in 'Ghost.'
Whoopi says, on that tape: "Smoking cigarettes and pot every now and then are my habits. And I thought, 'I've got to relax.' So I smoked this wonderful joint that was the last of my home grown."
And then Miss Goldberg goes on to say that she was so surprised by her win that she was worried about getting onstage: "When [Denzel Washington] said my name and I popped up, I thought, 'Oh f---... okay, up the stairs... around to the podium... there's millions of people, pick up the statue, get the statue."
And apparently she pulled it off because I don't remember anyone talking about that back in the day. Except for Whoopi's mother, who could tell her daughter was high by her "glistening eyes" and called to scold her.
Whoopi ends her nearly two-decade old video confession with her own PSA: "I know you're not supposed to admit that you smoke pot, but I don't drink alcohol. Just because I do it doesn't mean you should."
Whoopi Goldberg high.
Who knew?
Poor Hef.
It seems that 900-year-old Hugh Hefner's 24-year-old fiancee, Crystal Harris, is not exactly ready to settle down with her centuries old fiance. She is ALLEGEDLY cheating on her grandpa with Dr. Phil's son.
Hmmm, which is worse, marrying a man thirty-seven times your age, or having Dr. Phil as a father-in-law?
Witnesses--and by witnesses, I mean pool boys at the Playboy Mansion who scrub the Grotto free from herpes and hepatitis--say that Crystal and Jordan McGraw were cozying "up at the Chateau Marmont in LA" and that while Crystal was hoping to keep their romance low-key--lest Hef send out the Hit Bunnies--Jordan doesn't care; he'll fight a nine-hundred-year-old man.
Jordan seems to be following in his older brother's footsteps; his brother, Jay, is married to Playboy model Erica Dahm. And his father loves to spank Little Phil while ogling pictures of his daughter-in-law.
Crystal and Jordan met when Jordan became the producer of her album at the Organica record label. Jordan, however, was subsequently let go "for dating female clients under the label."
Daddy would be so proud.
Not Daddy Hef, Daddy Phil.
Well, after a tense week, where talk was that Charlie "Winning" Sheen might be returning to 2-1/2 Men, rumors are flying that Jeremy Piven will be taking over.
A source close to the situation, and I think it's Jon Cryer--says: “Jeremy is a great actor and a hot commodity, his name has come up a couple of times in talks about who, if anybody, could step into Charlie’s shoes.”
But, if CBS wants to hire Piven as the new Sheen, they might, um, want to talk to Piven. According to his people--and by people, i mean the ones who keep him from eating sushi [Google it]--“No one connected in any way with Jeremy knows anything about this and that would include Jeremy.”
I wouldn't be surprised if Sheen does get his job back, unless, during his current stage show, "My Mental Breakdown," or, um, "Charlie Sheen Live: My Violent Torpedo Of Truth" he continues to bash his show, his network, and the producers.
Money talks, even when it's talking about an insane drug addict.
Sidenote: I'm still waiting to hear from CBS about hiring me for the show, and then calling it, 'One Man, A Half Man, and A Homo'.
I smell Emmy!
Dina Lohan, Mom Of The Year, says that her daughter, pill-popping, chain-smoking, vodka-swilling, car-stealing, rehab-going, jail-living, Lindsay, never had any intention of agreeing to a plea deal and accepting guilt for allegedly stealing a $2,500 necklace from a Venice Beach jeweler.
Lindsay's attorney, Shawn Holley, kept on speed dial on every single Lohan phone, you know, just in case, has formally notified the LA District Attorney, and Judge Keith Schwartz, that Lindsay stomped her feet and said, "No deal! Now, let's go clubbing!"
Dina said her daughter never even entertained the idea of copping a plea. Which is true, because the only thing Lindsay ever entertained was a martini in a sippy cup. Dina says: "She was never going to plead guilty to a crime she didn't commit. All along Lindsay has never wavered regarding her innocence."
Lindsay never wavered, because she doesn't know what that means, All she knows, is that Mama Dina needs a new pair of shoes, and how's she gonna get them if her meal ticket is in jail?
How else can you explain the fact that Dina Lohan, with a straight face, thanks to Botox and Ketel One, actually said: "I saw the entire security tape, and it showed the necklace clearly being loaned to Lindsay. The jewelry store's only motivation was for publicity and profit."
Um, wow, Dina? Please to explain, how, if the necklace was clearly being loaned to Lindsay, she didn't bother to return it until the police got involved?
I don't know which is worse, the junkie jewel thief daughter, or the fame-whoring, living off my child mother.
Oh, this just screams trainwreck!
Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina, just might be getting her own reality show.
I know!
Train...followed quickly by....wreck.
With rumors of drug addiction--Crack is wack--and a sex tape--How else am I gonna get famous--flying, the teenager might be laying her life bare on the small screen; Bobbi K even Tweeted the news.
“PS EVERYONE ! Guess what ?! _ we are currently in the process of meetings about starting my very OWN! RealityShow!!”
Again.Train.Wreck.
I mean, she did see Bobby and Whitney's reality show, didn't she? She saw how they came off as a couple of drug addicted hoarders, right/ She saw the fights, the arrests, the craziness fueled by all sorts of drugs, didn't she?
And she wants to do that, too.
Like Mama and Daddy, crazy don't fall far from the tree.
Bobbi K then sent another Tweet: “The world needs 2know me 4who I REALLY am_ U all will get 2see my everyday living_ walk with me thro startin my career. . EVERYTHING.”
Walk me thro startin' my career.
I have an idea, maybe in one episode, Bobbi K takes a spelling class.
'Dancing With The Stars'
Honey, no.
But, you know, with Kirstie Alley and her own special brand of wackadoo, it might be fun, if only for the feuds it starts.
It seems that Kirstie has struck back at late night host George Lopez on Twitter, after GLo likened Alley to a pig in a bit on his show.
Someone called WestCoastGal88 tweeted to Alley, "If you read my stream -- I just called George Lopez a PIG :)"
Alley quickly responded: "lol...a drunk pig...hehe."
This all started when Lopez made Alley the butt of a weight joke on Tuesday's Lopez Tonight: “She did a nice job. Her little hooves tapping away.” He then did a riff on the nursery rhyme, This Little Piggy Goes to Market, saying, “Before the show she went to the market. And then she had roast beef. And this is her going all the way home,” before playing a clip of a pig squealing “wheeeee” while riding in a car.
Not nice, GLo. not nice.
But, um, Kirstie, why you gettin' so pissy?
I mean, you did make an entire series about your weight when you did your "reality" show, 'Fat Actress', didn't you? If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen, and shut the refrigerator!
Jessica Biel doesn't let the grass grow under her vah-jay-jay, now, does she?
Roughly six minutes after being devastated that Justin...gay...Timberlake dumped her, Biel was spotted making out with man-whore Gerard Butler.
Wow. talk about an STD cesspool.
I know!
Apparently Biel and Butler are shooting a movie together in New Orleans and have become quite the Uglies Bumpers off-set. They were first spotted at a crew member’s birthday party, then, a couple of nights later, they went to get some Mexican food alone, starting drinking heavily, and left together.
Enchiladas + Pitchers of Margaritas = Roll in the hay.
They also had 'dinner'--insert your own euphemism here: ____--twice more later that week. Of course, both are denying their NoLa hook-up, and their reps are working overtime coming up with a different version of the "just friends" excuse.
A source--and by source, I mean the make-up gal who stands guard while Biel and Butler do the thrust and Moan--says: “They have never had dinner alone. They are always in a crew of people on the film."
So, it's group sex, then, eh?
In addition to being stupid--I mean, she carries cocaine in her cooch--and being a fame-whore--she once spent twenty minutes standing in front of an ATM machine because she spotted a camera--Paris Hilton is also ALLEGEDLY a racist.
It seems that the Hilton girls, Paris and the smarter one--which really isn't saying much, were at a club together--because, what else do they do--getting their jiggy on, when suddenly Paris looked into the camcorder her friend was carrying--because Paris documents every moment of her life so she can tell her gyno who she schtupped--and said: “We're like two n*****s.”
Oh, but she did--Google it.
I found this shocking, until I learned that LA Weekly has an excerpt from a new book written by Hollywood reporter Neil Straus, who interviewed Paris Skankton when she was 18, and he says this went down:
HILTON: I went out with that guy last night.
STRAUSS: Which guy?
HILTON: (points to an actor in Saving Private Ryan): We were making out, but then we went somewhere where it was bright and I saw that he was black and made an excuse and left. I can’t stand black guys. I would never touch one. It’s gross. (pauses). Does that guy look black to you?
STRAUSS: How black does a guy have to be?
HILTON: One percent is enough for me.
Wow, Paris Hilton.
Cooch full of coke, brain full of mush, and a mouth full of s**t.
Right?
You gotta love it when your boyfriend has your back.
Sarah Lane, an American Ballet Theater soloist, was Natalie Portman's double in 'Black Swan'. And she gave an interview to Dance Magazine in which she said 'Swan' producers, Fox Searchlight, asked her to stop talking to the media. She says the Fox people wanted everybody to think Portman did most of her own dancing.
That must have pissed Sarah off, especially when you add that Natalie never thanked her when she accepted her Oscar, so Sarah Lane is talking again.
But she isn't getting far, because Natalie's dance-trainer-choreographer-fiance-and-baby-daddy, Benjamin Millepied, is pirouetting to her defense:
"It was so believable, it was fantastic, that beautiful movement quality. There are articles now talking about her dance double [American Ballet Theatre dancer Sarah Lane] that are making it sound like [Lane] did a lot of the work, but really, she just did the footwork, and the fouettés, and one diagonal [phrase] in the studio. Honestly, 85% of that movie is Natalie."
Take that, Sarah! And, back to the chorus!
Poor Star Jones.
No one likes her.
Seriously, show of hands: who likes Star?
:::crickets::::
We all know that on the current season of Donald Trump's 'Ego Apprentice' Star, and 'Real Housewives of Atlanta' dive NeNe Leakes haven't been getting along. NeNe even went so far as to say that if Star was on fire, she wouldn't a spit ball her way.
Ouch.
And to pour salt into that wound, NeNe is now hanging around with one of Star's former flamers, er, flames, and ex-homo-husband, Big Gay Al.
I know! Dee-lish!
A source--and by source I mean NeNe, because who loves to gossip about NeNe more than NeNe--had this to say: "Star thinks it's pathetic that these two has-beens have teamed up together. NeNe knows how much pain and hurt, that man caused Star. For NeNe to suddenly befriend him tells you exactly what sort of woman she really is. Al will do anything to get back into the press, including hanging out with reality stars. But to be getting close and personal with a woman who has publicly stated she wouldn't spit on your ex-wife if she was on fire is just desperate."
Poor Star. She marries an ALLEGED homo, tells the world that he is ALLEGEDLY straight, and then dumps him, and now gets all aflame because her ex and her enemy are friends.
I mean, NeNe and Al might be good for each other. Every diva needs a homo to help with make-up tips, and if anyone needs makeup tips, it's NeNe.
Al? Show her how you do the smokey eye!
See what I did there?
Whoopi says, on that tape: "Smoking cigarettes and pot every now and then are my habits. And I thought, 'I've got to relax.' So I smoked this wonderful joint that was the last of my home grown."
And then Miss Goldberg goes on to say that she was so surprised by her win that she was worried about getting onstage: "When [Denzel Washington] said my name and I popped up, I thought, 'Oh f---... okay, up the stairs... around to the podium... there's millions of people, pick up the statue, get the statue."
And apparently she pulled it off because I don't remember anyone talking about that back in the day. Except for Whoopi's mother, who could tell her daughter was high by her "glistening eyes" and called to scold her.
Whoopi ends her nearly two-decade old video confession with her own PSA: "I know you're not supposed to admit that you smoke pot, but I don't drink alcohol. Just because I do it doesn't mean you should."
Whoopi Goldberg high.
Who knew?
Poor Hef.
Hmmm, which is worse, marrying a man thirty-seven times your age, or having Dr. Phil as a father-in-law?
Witnesses--and by witnesses, I mean pool boys at the Playboy Mansion who scrub the Grotto free from herpes and hepatitis--say that Crystal and Jordan McGraw were cozying "up at the Chateau Marmont in LA" and that while Crystal was hoping to keep their romance low-key--lest Hef send out the Hit Bunnies--Jordan doesn't care; he'll fight a nine-hundred-year-old man.
Jordan seems to be following in his older brother's footsteps; his brother, Jay, is married to Playboy model Erica Dahm. And his father loves to spank Little Phil while ogling pictures of his daughter-in-law.
Crystal and Jordan met when Jordan became the producer of her album at the Organica record label. Jordan, however, was subsequently let go "for dating female clients under the label."
Daddy would be so proud.
Not Daddy Hef, Daddy Phil.
Well, after a tense week, where talk was that Charlie "Winning" Sheen might be returning to 2-1/2 Men, rumors are flying that Jeremy Piven will be taking over.
But, if CBS wants to hire Piven as the new Sheen, they might, um, want to talk to Piven. According to his people--and by people, i mean the ones who keep him from eating sushi [Google it]--“No one connected in any way with Jeremy knows anything about this and that would include Jeremy.”
I wouldn't be surprised if Sheen does get his job back, unless, during his current stage show, "My Mental Breakdown," or, um, "Charlie Sheen Live: My Violent Torpedo Of Truth" he continues to bash his show, his network, and the producers.
Money talks, even when it's talking about an insane drug addict.
Sidenote: I'm still waiting to hear from CBS about hiring me for the show, and then calling it, 'One Man, A Half Man, and A Homo'.
I smell Emmy!
Dina Lohan, Mom Of The Year, says that her daughter, pill-popping, chain-smoking, vodka-swilling, car-stealing, rehab-going, jail-living, Lindsay, never had any intention of agreeing to a plea deal and accepting guilt for allegedly stealing a $2,500 necklace from a Venice Beach jeweler.
Dina said her daughter never even entertained the idea of copping a plea. Which is true, because the only thing Lindsay ever entertained was a martini in a sippy cup. Dina says: "She was never going to plead guilty to a crime she didn't commit. All along Lindsay has never wavered regarding her innocence."
Lindsay never wavered, because she doesn't know what that means, All she knows, is that Mama Dina needs a new pair of shoes, and how's she gonna get them if her meal ticket is in jail?
How else can you explain the fact that Dina Lohan, with a straight face, thanks to Botox and Ketel One, actually said: "I saw the entire security tape, and it showed the necklace clearly being loaned to Lindsay. The jewelry store's only motivation was for publicity and profit."
Um, wow, Dina? Please to explain, how, if the necklace was clearly being loaned to Lindsay, she didn't bother to return it until the police got involved?
I don't know which is worse, the junkie jewel thief daughter, or the fame-whoring, living off my child mother.
Oh, this just screams trainwreck!
I know!
Train...followed quickly by....wreck.
With rumors of drug addiction--Crack is wack--and a sex tape--How else am I gonna get famous--flying, the teenager might be laying her life bare on the small screen; Bobbi K even Tweeted the news.
“PS EVERYONE ! Guess what ?! _ we are currently in the process of meetings about starting my very OWN! RealityShow!!”
Again.Train.Wreck.
I mean, she did see Bobby and Whitney's reality show, didn't she? She saw how they came off as a couple of drug addicted hoarders, right/ She saw the fights, the arrests, the craziness fueled by all sorts of drugs, didn't she?
And she wants to do that, too.
Like Mama and Daddy, crazy don't fall far from the tree.
Bobbi K then sent another Tweet: “The world needs 2know me 4who I REALLY am_ U all will get 2see my everyday living_ walk with me thro startin my career. . EVERYTHING.”
Walk me thro startin' my career.
I have an idea, maybe in one episode, Bobbi K takes a spelling class.
'Dancing With The Stars'
Honey, no.
It seems that Kirstie has struck back at late night host George Lopez on Twitter, after GLo likened Alley to a pig in a bit on his show.
Someone called WestCoastGal88 tweeted to Alley, "If you read my stream -- I just called George Lopez a PIG :)"
Alley quickly responded: "lol...a drunk pig...hehe."
This all started when Lopez made Alley the butt of a weight joke on Tuesday's Lopez Tonight: “She did a nice job. Her little hooves tapping away.” He then did a riff on the nursery rhyme, This Little Piggy Goes to Market, saying, “Before the show she went to the market. And then she had roast beef. And this is her going all the way home,” before playing a clip of a pig squealing “wheeeee” while riding in a car.
Not nice, GLo. not nice.
But, um, Kirstie, why you gettin' so pissy?
I mean, you did make an entire series about your weight when you did your "reality" show, 'Fat Actress', didn't you? If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen, and shut the refrigerator!
Jessica Biel doesn't let the grass grow under her vah-jay-jay, now, does she?
Roughly six minutes after being devastated that Justin...gay...Timberlake dumped her, Biel was spotted making out with man-whore Gerard Butler.
I know!
Apparently Biel and Butler are shooting a movie together in New Orleans and have become quite the Uglies Bumpers off-set. They were first spotted at a crew member’s birthday party, then, a couple of nights later, they went to get some Mexican food alone, starting drinking heavily, and left together.
Enchiladas + Pitchers of Margaritas = Roll in the hay.
They also had 'dinner'--insert your own euphemism here: ____--twice more later that week. Of course, both are denying their NoLa hook-up, and their reps are working overtime coming up with a different version of the "just friends" excuse.
A source--and by source, I mean the make-up gal who stands guard while Biel and Butler do the thrust and Moan--says: “They have never had dinner alone. They are always in a crew of people on the film."
So, it's group sex, then, eh?
In addition to being stupid--I mean, she carries cocaine in her cooch--and being a fame-whore--she once spent twenty minutes standing in front of an ATM machine because she spotted a camera--Paris Hilton is also ALLEGEDLY a racist.
Oh, but she did--Google it.
I found this shocking, until I learned that LA Weekly has an excerpt from a new book written by Hollywood reporter Neil Straus, who interviewed Paris Skankton when she was 18, and he says this went down:
HILTON: I went out with that guy last night.
STRAUSS: Which guy?
HILTON: (points to an actor in Saving Private Ryan): We were making out, but then we went somewhere where it was bright and I saw that he was black and made an excuse and left. I can’t stand black guys. I would never touch one. It’s gross. (pauses). Does that guy look black to you?
STRAUSS: How black does a guy have to be?
HILTON: One percent is enough for me.
Wow, Paris Hilton.
Cooch full of coke, brain full of mush, and a mouth full of s**t.
Right?
You gotta love it when your boyfriend has your back.
That must have pissed Sarah off, especially when you add that Natalie never thanked her when she accepted her Oscar, so Sarah Lane is talking again.
But she isn't getting far, because Natalie's dance-trainer-choreographer-fiance-and-baby-daddy, Benjamin Millepied, is pirouetting to her defense:
"It was so believable, it was fantastic, that beautiful movement quality. There are articles now talking about her dance double [American Ballet Theatre dancer Sarah Lane] that are making it sound like [Lane] did a lot of the work, but really, she just did the footwork, and the fouettés, and one diagonal [phrase] in the studio. Honestly, 85% of that movie is Natalie."
Take that, Sarah! And, back to the chorus!
Poor Star Jones.
No one likes her.
Seriously, show of hands: who likes Star?
:::crickets::::
Ouch.
And to pour salt into that wound, NeNe is now hanging around with one of Star's former flamers, er, flames, and ex-homo-husband, Big Gay Al.
I know! Dee-lish!
A source--and by source I mean NeNe, because who loves to gossip about NeNe more than NeNe--had this to say: "Star thinks it's pathetic that these two has-beens have teamed up together. NeNe knows how much pain and hurt, that man caused Star. For NeNe to suddenly befriend him tells you exactly what sort of woman she really is. Al will do anything to get back into the press, including hanging out with reality stars. But to be getting close and personal with a woman who has publicly stated she wouldn't spit on your ex-wife if she was on fire is just desperate."
Poor Star. She marries an ALLEGED homo, tells the world that he is ALLEGEDLY straight, and then dumps him, and now gets all aflame because her ex and her enemy are friends.
I mean, NeNe and Al might be good for each other. Every diva needs a homo to help with make-up tips, and if anyone needs makeup tips, it's NeNe.
Al? Show her how you do the smokey eye!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....
Wow.
I mean, you know, if I saw a celebrity on the streets of Smallville, I'd whip out my trusty camera for a snapshot or two.
I mean, even if they were browsing through the antiques, or getting a soda at The Gate, I'd happily snap away.
But someone, and I ain't sayin' it was me, got a little too close to Jake Gyllenhaal when trying to photograph him.
Hell, they got a little too close to, um, Little Jake, too.
At the South by Southwest Film/Music festival this week, one fan got way too close for comfort to Jake Gyllenhaal. He actually took a picture of Jakey Gyllenhaal as he relieved himself, which made Jake all kinds of mad.
And scuffling mad, too.
When asked about the “rather heated scuffle in the theater bathroom last night" as a fan tried to take his picture, Jake laughed and said, “That’s true. I think it’s an appropriate space to keep privacy. I hope that people wouldn’t disagree with me on that.”
Jake’s rep says there was no scuffle, that Jake very politely asked me, er, the guy, to delete the picture from his camera, and I, um, he, did.
And, so while there is no photographic proof, yet, I will say this: "It's real, and it's spectacular."
Will male celebrities never learn?
Perhaps some of them, but not Ryan Phillippe, who will be ALLEGEDLY adding to his brood of two kids because his ex-girlfriend, whom he dated for all of a hot minute, is ALLEGEDLY got a bun in the oven.
According to PEOPLE--and they would know, wouldn't they--Phillippe's ex-girlfriend, actress Alexis Knapp, is pregnant and in her second trimester.
The couple dated on-and-off for a few months last year, and now there'll always be a reminder of the good times.
I usually get a souvenir to remind me of special times, not a baby.
But, that's just me.
Color me shocked.
I mean, I always thought you go on a TV show for six or eight weeks, date twenty or thirty people, have sex with five or so, then declare your love for two just as you propose to The One.
I mean, doesn't it work like that in real life?
It seems that mere moments after The Bachelor, Brad Womack, proposed to Emily Maynard on this weeks episode, millions of fans--hold up.....millions of fans? Really--were shocked to learn that the couple have already gone through a breakup.
Brad had declared that after being the Bachelor once and picking no one, that this time he was ready to settle down and date, marry, and impregnate a young woman on TV.
Now, it seems the dream has died.
Poor Babs.
One of her dreams was to star in a movie version, albeit another movie version, of Gypsy, that Broadway classic about show business and the quintessential stage mother.
That dream like the dream of Brad and Emily, has also died.
It seems that Gypsy playwright Arthur Laurents, along with co-creator Stephen Sondheim, have scrapped the entire project, leaving Babs heartbroken.
Laurents holds the rights to the 1959 Broadway musical and agreed that Barbra could play the role of Mama Rose, even telling the New York Post: "Barbra ... knows what she's doing. She has my approval." But now the 93-year-old Laurents has changed his mind after he spoke with the musical's lyricist Stephen Sondheim.
Sondheim ALLEGEDLY asked Laurents: "What is the point of" doing another movie. And now Laurents has said, "I don't want it now. I want it to stay alive. I think (Streisand) is disappointed. She wanted very much to do it. That would have been a good exit for her career. Tom Hooper wanted to direct it. I think he's wonderful."
All those wonderful people out of a job.
But Babs isn't said to be upset by the decision. She has ALLEGEDLY told friends that all she has to do is 'wait it out,' meaning that if Laurents were to die, she could buy the rights and do the film anyway.
Wow, waiting for someone to die just to get a job.
She should'a been Vice President.
There's a new show on NBC called The Voice, where they will take young unknowns, allow them to audition before four judges, then let them sing onstage in front of millions of people, who will vote for them, and make one of them the next American Ido....superstar.
Sounds like another show, eh?
Well, it isn't, so there!
This show has four judges, not three, and there called coaches, not judges. And The Voice producers say there show will be intent on building its contestants up, not “tearing them down” like some other competitions we know…"
Like, um, what?
The coaches for The Voice are Steven Tyler, er, I mean, Maroon 5‘s Adam Levine, Miss Jennifer Lopez, um, that would be Miss Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green and Blake Shelton; the host will be Ryan Seacrest-lite--if one could ever get lighter than Seacrest--Carson Daly.
See, it's nothing like American Idol.
In fact, it's so not AI that Christina Aguilera stopped mid-Cosmopolitan to say: “This isn’t about tearing people down. I want to bring these people up. The Voice really does stand for what it says. Instinctually, you can judge people based on the way they look. I love that fact we get to sit here with our backs turned away from these people and completely use just one sense to hear these voices. I’m not looking for vocal acrobatics, who has biggest range [of] high and low. I’m looking forward to getting moved.”
I'm looking forward to you getting help.
What won't people snort?
I mean, seriously. Coke, crack, comet, you name it. Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards even admitted to snorting his late father's ashes, and now it seems that burnt remains are becoming the nasal substance of choice.
Enter Courtney Love.
According to author Neil Strauss, author of 'Everybody Loves You When You're Dead: Journeys Into Fame And Madness', the Hole singer considered snorting the ashes of her late husband, Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain.
Strauss said, "She walked to a dresser, pulled open a drawer, and removed a square-shaped tin," Strauss said. "She removed the lid, revealing a plastic bag full of white ashes" and said to him, "Too bad you don't do coke. Otherwise I'd suggest taking a metal straw to it."
Strauss declined, because, well, snorting the ashes of a cremated rock star is not something one does every day, unless you're Courtney Love.
Or maybe Keith Richards.
You know, just yesterday I printed a quote by Jodie Foster, where she gushes with love about alcoholic-misogynist-anti-Semite-homophobic-girlfriend-batterer Mel Gibson.
Odd, then, that Melvin was conspicuously absent from the South by Southwest Film Festival premiere of the film he made with Foster, The Beaver. Now, it's true, he was a little tied up in LA pleading No Contest to hitting his girlfriend while she held their child, but still......
And though Jodie was singing his praises on the red carpet, it is ALLEGED that it was her idea to keep Gibson away from the film festival showing of their movie.
A source--and by source, I mean any one of Jodie's traveling lesbian entourage--says, "Having him attend was just going to be too big of a risk. He could have gotten booed on the red carpet before the film even began. Everyone including Jodie decided it would be better if Mel didn't attend."
it would be better if Gibson went to prison.
I mean, you know, if I saw a celebrity on the streets of Smallville, I'd whip out my trusty camera for a snapshot or two.
But someone, and I ain't sayin' it was me, got a little too close to Jake Gyllenhaal when trying to photograph him.
Hell, they got a little too close to, um, Little Jake, too.
At the South by Southwest Film/Music festival this week, one fan got way too close for comfort to Jake Gyllenhaal. He actually took a picture of Jakey Gyllenhaal as he relieved himself, which made Jake all kinds of mad.
And scuffling mad, too.
When asked about the “rather heated scuffle in the theater bathroom last night" as a fan tried to take his picture, Jake laughed and said, “That’s true. I think it’s an appropriate space to keep privacy. I hope that people wouldn’t disagree with me on that.”
Jake’s rep says there was no scuffle, that Jake very politely asked me, er, the guy, to delete the picture from his camera, and I, um, he, did.
And, so while there is no photographic proof, yet, I will say this: "It's real, and it's spectacular."
Will male celebrities never learn?
According to PEOPLE--and they would know, wouldn't they--Phillippe's ex-girlfriend, actress Alexis Knapp, is pregnant and in her second trimester.
The couple dated on-and-off for a few months last year, and now there'll always be a reminder of the good times.
I usually get a souvenir to remind me of special times, not a baby.
But, that's just me.
Color me shocked.
I mean, doesn't it work like that in real life?
It seems that mere moments after The Bachelor, Brad Womack, proposed to Emily Maynard on this weeks episode, millions of fans--hold up.....millions of fans? Really--were shocked to learn that the couple have already gone through a breakup.
Brad had declared that after being the Bachelor once and picking no one, that this time he was ready to settle down and date, marry, and impregnate a young woman on TV.
Now, it seems the dream has died.
Poor Babs.
That dream like the dream of Brad and Emily, has also died.
It seems that Gypsy playwright Arthur Laurents, along with co-creator Stephen Sondheim, have scrapped the entire project, leaving Babs heartbroken.
Laurents holds the rights to the 1959 Broadway musical and agreed that Barbra could play the role of Mama Rose, even telling the New York Post: "Barbra ... knows what she's doing. She has my approval." But now the 93-year-old Laurents has changed his mind after he spoke with the musical's lyricist Stephen Sondheim.
Sondheim ALLEGEDLY asked Laurents: "What is the point of" doing another movie. And now Laurents has said, "I don't want it now. I want it to stay alive. I think (Streisand) is disappointed. She wanted very much to do it. That would have been a good exit for her career. Tom Hooper wanted to direct it. I think he's wonderful."
All those wonderful people out of a job.
But Babs isn't said to be upset by the decision. She has ALLEGEDLY told friends that all she has to do is 'wait it out,' meaning that if Laurents were to die, she could buy the rights and do the film anyway.
Wow, waiting for someone to die just to get a job.
She should'a been Vice President.
There's a new show on NBC called The Voice, where they will take young unknowns, allow them to audition before four judges, then let them sing onstage in front of millions of people, who will vote for them, and make one of them the next American Ido....superstar.
Well, it isn't, so there!
This show has four judges, not three, and there called coaches, not judges. And The Voice producers say there show will be intent on building its contestants up, not “tearing them down” like some other competitions we know…"
Like, um, what?
The coaches for The Voice are Steven Tyler, er, I mean, Maroon 5‘s Adam Levine, Miss Jennifer Lopez, um, that would be Miss Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green and Blake Shelton; the host will be Ryan Seacrest-lite--if one could ever get lighter than Seacrest--Carson Daly.
See, it's nothing like American Idol.
In fact, it's so not AI that Christina Aguilera stopped mid-Cosmopolitan to say: “This isn’t about tearing people down. I want to bring these people up. The Voice really does stand for what it says. Instinctually, you can judge people based on the way they look. I love that fact we get to sit here with our backs turned away from these people and completely use just one sense to hear these voices. I’m not looking for vocal acrobatics, who has biggest range [of] high and low. I’m looking forward to getting moved.”
I'm looking forward to you getting help.
What won't people snort?
I mean, seriously. Coke, crack, comet, you name it. Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards even admitted to snorting his late father's ashes, and now it seems that burnt remains are becoming the nasal substance of choice.
According to author Neil Strauss, author of 'Everybody Loves You When You're Dead: Journeys Into Fame And Madness', the Hole singer considered snorting the ashes of her late husband, Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain.
Strauss said, "She walked to a dresser, pulled open a drawer, and removed a square-shaped tin," Strauss said. "She removed the lid, revealing a plastic bag full of white ashes" and said to him, "Too bad you don't do coke. Otherwise I'd suggest taking a metal straw to it."
Strauss declined, because, well, snorting the ashes of a cremated rock star is not something one does every day, unless you're Courtney Love.
Or maybe Keith Richards.
You know, just yesterday I printed a quote by Jodie Foster, where she gushes with love about alcoholic-misogynist-anti-Semite-homophobic-girlfriend-batterer Mel Gibson.
And though Jodie was singing his praises on the red carpet, it is ALLEGED that it was her idea to keep Gibson away from the film festival showing of their movie.
A source--and by source, I mean any one of Jodie's traveling lesbian entourage--says, "Having him attend was just going to be too big of a risk. He could have gotten booed on the red carpet before the film even began. Everyone including Jodie decided it would be better if Mel didn't attend."
it would be better if Gibson went to prison.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
I Ain't One To Gossip, But....
Oh, it simply isn't a good week unless Lindsay makes the news.
And she has, by starring in a Direct-To-Surveillance Video production of Did She Or Didn't She?
It seems that Kamofie & Co--where Lindsay ALLEGEDLY stole the necklace, that she gave back ten days later just as the police were coming to search her house for it--has sold the surveillance video that shows Sticky Fingers Lohan leaving their store without, um, well, paying for everything.
A source--and by source, I mean Lindsay's fence--says: "The jewelry store wanted a bidding war to maximize profits."
And apparently Entertainment Tonight had the maximum cash.
And this little bit of news is two-fold--good and bad--for Machine Gun Lohan.
On one hand, it is just another bit of embarrassment for the serial rehabber, drug addict, carjacker and kidnapper.
But, on the other hand, it doesn't look good for the prosecution when the jewelry store makes a profit off the ALLEGED crime.
So, some are saying Bugsy Lohan just may have gotten a break.
Another one.
There are reports coming from across the pond--that would be the Atlantic Ocean for some of the less worldly readers--that George Michael's partner Kenny Goss has left the singer.
Sources--and by sources I mean the guys kept on retainer for keeping George out of the public restrooms--say that Goss, Michael's partner for more than 15 years, has finally had enough of the singer's troubled lifestyle, like his drug problems and his serial cruising issues.
George Michael, in a kind of Lindsay lohan sentence, served 27 days of an eight-week sentence for crashing his car into a photo booth while under the influence of marijuana.
And that last incident might have been the coke straw that broke the camel's back.
But all may not be lost for the happily gay duo.
It seems that George Michael is taking a page from another druggie's handbook--that would be Charlie Sheen--and going on radio to say that he and Kenny are fine, and still together. He also Tweeted--because that's the new thing--that the reports of the Goss/Michael split are untrue: "Would someone Tweet 5wrightstuff and tell them the Sun is lying through its teeth as usual."
Michael later on called into the show to personally say that the story was untrue: "It is complete b******t about myself and Kenny breaking up. Don't believe this story. We've had our problems, but he's never had a problem with my lifestyle. I love Kenny very much."
Kenny, however, has no comment.
NeNe Leakes is one mean bitch.
First, she ended the season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta with yet another big fight with castmate, and fake boobery, Kim Zolciak.
Then she took aim at her co-star on Celebrity Apprentice, Miss Star I'm a lawyer! Jones.
And she's taking her feud to every TV show imaginable, in what I call The Charlie Sheen Syndrome.
On The Talk, which is a knock-off of The View, the show that knocked Star Jones off TV in the first place, NeNe said: "Star's not nice. I believe...that anybody who has ever worked with her would side with me. She's not a nice person. She's a witch...with a 'b' in front."
NeNe then goes on to say that, in her usual way of being all sweetness and light, when she first joined Apprentice, she went to dinner and lunch with Star--grrrrrl, you know Star just loves to eat--and even double-dated with Jones, because she had "no preconceived notions" and "wanted to get to know her."
Now she says Star is a "back stabber."
Hearing the word stab being bandied about, Star Jones ALLEGEDLY hired security to protect her.
And bring her sammiches.
Another of those "real" housewives, Jill Zarin, of The Real Housewives of New York, is now saying that her friendship with Bethenny Frankel, played out for three season on the show, was really not a friendship at all.
Which explains why, at the last reunion show, Zarin cried and begged Frankel to be her friend again.
Now, Zarin calls it a "TV romance" that went bad.
Jill Zarin: "The truth is, I don't even remember being friends with her anymore. You know, when I see her picture and when I see her on TV, I don't even remember our relationship. Which kinda says something."
Yeah..................about you and your idea of friendship.
The duo's "friendship" went up in flames last year on RHoNY, no doubt helped by Jill Zarin's obsession with Bethenny, even going so far as to break the news of Bethhenny's pregnancy before Bethenny even had the chance to do it herself.
Jill now says she's fine with the non-existent-friendship-that-never-was: "People thought we came into the show with that romance," she said. "We didn't. We fell in love on TV and we got a divorce on TV."
And please don't make anything of Jill's latest revelations coming just as RHoNY is about to start it's first season, without Frankel.
Yeah......no jealousy there.
Oh, Nicky.
A mere three months after being videotaped going Charlie Sheen outside a nightclub in Romania, Nicolas Cage was once again involved in an incident at a New Orleans bar and had to be escorted back to his hotel.
It seems that police were called to upscale restaurant Stella on Chartres Street night after a window was broken, and, upon arrival, authorities determined that Nic should be escorted back to his hotel for his "own safety."
The police say: "We can confirm that we did respond to an incident at that location on Friday night at around 10:45PM and that Mr. Cage needed some assistance to go back to his hotel. A window was found to be broken at the restaurant, but the owners decided it was an internal matter and that they would handle it."
In other words, don't give any bad press to Nicolas Cage.
He's a big star. He was in Moonstruck and.....and.......and........anyone?
You know , sometimes you ought to just cut your losses and walk away.
Or, if you can't, well, then, just walk away.
You've all heard the drama about the $65 million Broadway production Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, right? Accidents? People falling from the sky. Broken bones. Concussions.
And that's just at the ticket booth.
I kid.
Well, Julie Taymor, the Tony Award-winning director of the The Lion King was essentially a fail-safe to lead the biggest musical production in Broadway history. And with a score by living rock legends U2's Bono and The Edge, the show's destiny as a wild success seemed set in stone.
A stone falling from the sky.
Now the production is practically bankrupt, there has been one major cast overhaul, five delayed openings, four cast injuries--one nearly fatal--and a slew of scathing reviews.
And the show hasn't even opened yet!
So, ALLEGEDLY, looking for a scapegoat, producers might be willing to let Julie go.
Sources--and by sources I mean the web spinning team--say that negotiations took place this week, which including Julie's request for more control, of rewriting the script, rewriting the score and, again, setting a new date for its release.
But, according to the source, the producers are looking to get Julie Taymor out of there and replace her with........Bono!?!?
Despite admitting the production is flawed, Taymor has asserted that it's headed in the right direction.
Toward closing before it officially opens, I think.
Hey, can't people be addicted to fame? And, if so, can't they get help for it?
Well, apparently not if you're one-half of the White House Part Crashing Duds, Michaele Salahi, who was kicked out of the latest season of Celebrity Rehab when it was discovered that she suffered no addictions.
Well, except for that whole addicted to see her skeletal frame and ratted hair and fat jerk of a husband on TV.
You know, that kind of addiction.
A source--and by source I mean Mackenzie Phillips, who is still in rehab--says Salahi was released from the show as she failed to show any signs of an addiction: "Dr. Drew did a thorough medical examination of her, including a full neurological check-up, and she is fine. Michaele is all drama, that is her main issue."
Ain't drama an addiction?
See: Charlie Sheen.
See: Lindsay Lohan.
The source also claims Michaele was a distraction for other cast members and complained Dr. Drew wasn't properly treating her multiple sclerosis.
Um, Michaele? You bag of rattling fame obsessed bones, he's an addiction doctor, so unless you're saying you're addicted to MS, get the f**k out, and shut the f**k up.
Michaele's husband Tareq "I Wouldn't Know The Truth If It Rode Up To Me On A Polo Pony Drinking Wine From My Vineyard" Salahi says his fame-addled wife only agreed to do the show to get help with her MS: "She was really leaning on Dr. Drew who is a respected doctor to get her through some of the issues after the White House, when she went to Congress, when she went into relapse with her multiple sclerosis. She takes this very seriously."
No, she takes feeding her fame addiction seriously.
Mel Gibson too the deal!
According to sources--and by sources I mean the voices in his head--Gibson has taken a plea deal in his ongoing criminal case. He is said to be making an appearance in court this week and make a no contest battery plea.
That means he did it, but won't do jail time for hitting the mother of his child.
It seems that Melvin had a change of heart about the deal when he learned that Alexander "Sasha" Dalton, the son of Mel's ALLEGEDLY abused baby mama Oksana Grigorieva, was set to testify as the star witness.
As Astro might say: Ruh Roh.
A source--and by source I mean any one of the countless people who been subjected to the abuses of Mel Gibson...and I count myself among them because I say Signs, too--says: "One major reason why this case was being brought against Mel Gibson, more than a year after the alleged incident took place, is because Sasha was made available to testify at a potential criminal trial against Mel. Sasha's involvement and cooperation in the case was absolutely essential, and because he is a minor, both of his parents had to agree to let him participate, and that took some time to make happen."
So, Melvin caved, and admitted he's a spousal batterer to save his Catholic behind from prison where he would no doubt star in Prison Bitch.
Rihanna has announced that she will not be playing the Whitney Houston role in a remake of The Bodyguard.
Rihanna says she won't take the role because the part isn't challenging enough for her, and plus, she spends most of her time keeping her hair that color of red, and, well, that's more important.
Rihanna also says she would rather escape into a role and not just play a singer: "Absolutely not. I want to separate the two. I hate it when singers do singing movies all the time, because you can never look at them as anybody else."
So, um, that's all good, you know, that she turned down the role, except for that one nagging bit of information she forgot to mention:
No.One.Offered.Her.The.Role.
Yes, she turned down a role that was even hers. And, she turned it down because she wanted to make her big screen debut in, oh, this is rich, Battleship, the movie version of that popular game.
You sunk my battleship.
And ALLEGEDLY, her film career.
And she has, by starring in a Direct-To-Surveillance Video production of Did She Or Didn't She?
A source--and by source, I mean Lindsay's fence--says: "The jewelry store wanted a bidding war to maximize profits."
And apparently Entertainment Tonight had the maximum cash.
And this little bit of news is two-fold--good and bad--for Machine Gun Lohan.
On one hand, it is just another bit of embarrassment for the serial rehabber, drug addict, carjacker and kidnapper.
But, on the other hand, it doesn't look good for the prosecution when the jewelry store makes a profit off the ALLEGED crime.
So, some are saying Bugsy Lohan just may have gotten a break.
Another one.
There are reports coming from across the pond--that would be the Atlantic Ocean for some of the less worldly readers--that George Michael's partner Kenny Goss has left the singer.
George Michael, in a kind of Lindsay lohan sentence, served 27 days of an eight-week sentence for crashing his car into a photo booth while under the influence of marijuana.
And that last incident might have been the coke straw that broke the camel's back.
But all may not be lost for the happily gay duo.
It seems that George Michael is taking a page from another druggie's handbook--that would be Charlie Sheen--and going on radio to say that he and Kenny are fine, and still together. He also Tweeted--because that's the new thing--that the reports of the Goss/Michael split are untrue: "Would someone Tweet 5wrightstuff and tell them the Sun is lying through its teeth as usual."
Michael later on called into the show to personally say that the story was untrue: "It is complete b******t about myself and Kenny breaking up. Don't believe this story. We've had our problems, but he's never had a problem with my lifestyle. I love Kenny very much."
Kenny, however, has no comment.
NeNe Leakes is one mean bitch.
First, she ended the season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta with yet another big fight with castmate, and fake boobery, Kim Zolciak.
And she's taking her feud to every TV show imaginable, in what I call The Charlie Sheen Syndrome.
On The Talk, which is a knock-off of The View, the show that knocked Star Jones off TV in the first place, NeNe said: "Star's not nice. I believe...that anybody who has ever worked with her would side with me. She's not a nice person. She's a witch...with a 'b' in front."
NeNe then goes on to say that, in her usual way of being all sweetness and light, when she first joined Apprentice, she went to dinner and lunch with Star--grrrrrl, you know Star just loves to eat--and even double-dated with Jones, because she had "no preconceived notions" and "wanted to get to know her."
Now she says Star is a "back stabber."
Hearing the word stab being bandied about, Star Jones ALLEGEDLY hired security to protect her.
And bring her sammiches.
Another of those "real" housewives, Jill Zarin, of The Real Housewives of New York, is now saying that her friendship with Bethenny Frankel, played out for three season on the show, was really not a friendship at all.
Now, Zarin calls it a "TV romance" that went bad.
Jill Zarin: "The truth is, I don't even remember being friends with her anymore. You know, when I see her picture and when I see her on TV, I don't even remember our relationship. Which kinda says something."
Yeah..................about you and your idea of friendship.
The duo's "friendship" went up in flames last year on RHoNY, no doubt helped by Jill Zarin's obsession with Bethenny, even going so far as to break the news of Bethhenny's pregnancy before Bethenny even had the chance to do it herself.
Jill now says she's fine with the non-existent-friendship-that-never-was: "People thought we came into the show with that romance," she said. "We didn't. We fell in love on TV and we got a divorce on TV."
And please don't make anything of Jill's latest revelations coming just as RHoNY is about to start it's first season, without Frankel.
Yeah......no jealousy there.
Oh, Nicky.
It seems that police were called to upscale restaurant Stella on Chartres Street night after a window was broken, and, upon arrival, authorities determined that Nic should be escorted back to his hotel for his "own safety."
The police say: "We can confirm that we did respond to an incident at that location on Friday night at around 10:45PM and that Mr. Cage needed some assistance to go back to his hotel. A window was found to be broken at the restaurant, but the owners decided it was an internal matter and that they would handle it."
In other words, don't give any bad press to Nicolas Cage.
He's a big star. He was in Moonstruck and.....and.......and........anyone?
You know , sometimes you ought to just cut your losses and walk away.
Or, if you can't, well, then, just walk away.
You've all heard the drama about the $65 million Broadway production Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, right? Accidents? People falling from the sky. Broken bones. Concussions.
And that's just at the ticket booth.
I kid.
A stone falling from the sky.
Now the production is practically bankrupt, there has been one major cast overhaul, five delayed openings, four cast injuries--one nearly fatal--and a slew of scathing reviews.
And the show hasn't even opened yet!
So, ALLEGEDLY, looking for a scapegoat, producers might be willing to let Julie go.
Sources--and by sources I mean the web spinning team--say that negotiations took place this week, which including Julie's request for more control, of rewriting the script, rewriting the score and, again, setting a new date for its release.
But, according to the source, the producers are looking to get Julie Taymor out of there and replace her with........Bono!?!?
Despite admitting the production is flawed, Taymor has asserted that it's headed in the right direction.
Toward closing before it officially opens, I think.
Hey, can't people be addicted to fame? And, if so, can't they get help for it?
Well, apparently not if you're one-half of the White House Part Crashing Duds, Michaele Salahi, who was kicked out of the latest season of Celebrity Rehab when it was discovered that she suffered no addictions.
You know, that kind of addiction.
A source--and by source I mean Mackenzie Phillips, who is still in rehab--says Salahi was released from the show as she failed to show any signs of an addiction: "Dr. Drew did a thorough medical examination of her, including a full neurological check-up, and she is fine. Michaele is all drama, that is her main issue."
Ain't drama an addiction?
See: Charlie Sheen.
See: Lindsay Lohan.
The source also claims Michaele was a distraction for other cast members and complained Dr. Drew wasn't properly treating her multiple sclerosis.
Um, Michaele? You bag of rattling fame obsessed bones, he's an addiction doctor, so unless you're saying you're addicted to MS, get the f**k out, and shut the f**k up.
Michaele's husband Tareq "I Wouldn't Know The Truth If It Rode Up To Me On A Polo Pony Drinking Wine From My Vineyard" Salahi says his fame-addled wife only agreed to do the show to get help with her MS: "She was really leaning on Dr. Drew who is a respected doctor to get her through some of the issues after the White House, when she went to Congress, when she went into relapse with her multiple sclerosis. She takes this very seriously."
No, she takes feeding her fame addiction seriously.
Mel Gibson too the deal!
That means he did it, but won't do jail time for hitting the mother of his child.
It seems that Melvin had a change of heart about the deal when he learned that Alexander "Sasha" Dalton, the son of Mel's ALLEGEDLY abused baby mama Oksana Grigorieva, was set to testify as the star witness.
As Astro might say: Ruh Roh.
A source--and by source I mean any one of the countless people who been subjected to the abuses of Mel Gibson...and I count myself among them because I say Signs, too--says: "One major reason why this case was being brought against Mel Gibson, more than a year after the alleged incident took place, is because Sasha was made available to testify at a potential criminal trial against Mel. Sasha's involvement and cooperation in the case was absolutely essential, and because he is a minor, both of his parents had to agree to let him participate, and that took some time to make happen."
So, Melvin caved, and admitted he's a spousal batterer to save his Catholic behind from prison where he would no doubt star in Prison Bitch.
Rihanna has announced that she will not be playing the Whitney Houston role in a remake of The Bodyguard.
Rihanna also says she would rather escape into a role and not just play a singer: "Absolutely not. I want to separate the two. I hate it when singers do singing movies all the time, because you can never look at them as anybody else."
So, um, that's all good, you know, that she turned down the role, except for that one nagging bit of information she forgot to mention:
No.One.Offered.Her.The.Role.
Yes, she turned down a role that was even hers. And, she turned it down because she wanted to make her big screen debut in, oh, this is rich, Battleship, the movie version of that popular game.
You sunk my battleship.
And ALLEGEDLY, her film career.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....
Well, at least we now know they're really good actors.
All sorts of stories breaking that young and hip first-time Oscar hosts, Anne Hathaway and James Franco grew to hate one another as the show drew closer.
A source--and by source, I mean the guy that taped Hathaway's lips into a permanent smile and kept Franco in Fritos--says Anne was ready to cut a bitch, a certain stoner bitch, because of his lackadaisical performance on the show.
Franco, who, for the most part, seemed keen on just grinning like a fool while onstage, even skipped his own after party, at LA's The Writer's Room, and flew back to New York because he was so pissed off at perky, The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow, Annie.
Now, Franco's rep says the whole thing is a lie, and, miraculously enough, Anne's rep said the same thing.
But if you watched the show, you saw Anne doing all the smiling and laughing and joking, the singing and the dancing, while Franco seemed to be in search of his next bong hit.
Had the academy bothered to ask me, I'd have told them to keep away from the Cheerleader and The Stoner as hosts.
Just sayin'.
Boy, Mike Huckabee has had a busy week.
First, he implied that the president is from Kenya, and that he grew up in Kenya, which we all know--unless you're a Teabagger with one tooth and one brain cell--isn't true.
Then Huckleberry Hound intimated that the president is a Muslim, again pandering to his base of toothless and brain-dead Teabaggers.
But now he's gone too far.
Too.Far. I tell ya!
This week presidential wannabe--and that will never happen--Mike Huckabee criticized Oscar-wining actress Natalie Portman for glorifying and glamorizing out-of-wedlock pregnancy.
Y'all remember how Natalie said during her Oscar acceptance speech: "Do it girls, fuck a guy and get knocked up but don't get married. It's fun!"
Oh, wait, that didn't happen, But it didn't stop Huckleberry Hounddog Face from going on 'The Michael Medved Show' the after Portman won the Oscar, and criticize her because she's expecting her first child with fiancé Benjamin Millepied.
Huckabee said: "People see a Natalie Portman who boasts, 'We're not married but we're having these children and they're doing just fine.' I think it gives a distorted image. It's unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out-of-wedlock children."
Hmm, I didn't see glory and glamorization, I saw a woman in love, and glowing.
But then Huckleberry goes on to call Portman's pregnancy "troubling," saying that many single parents do not have the resources that the 29-year-old actress possessed and would not be able to afford help to look after the baby.
Um, okay Mike, you dingbat, um, where was all your holier-than-thou crap after Bristol Palin got knocked up and was trotted out on the campaign trail by her media whoring mother?
Oh, I forgot, it's perfectly fine when the GOP gets pregnant without benefit of marriage, or cheats on their wives, or gets drunk and rives, but not anybody else.
Go back to your hovel in the mountains Huckleberry. You are too out of touch to be president of anything more than the Backwoods Illiterates Club.
Just sayin'.
Lindsay Lohan has stopped getting high and stealing things that don't belong to her long enough to give an interview!
Can I get a Hallelujah up in here!
And apparently, when compared to Charlie Sheen, she comes off as lucid and normal.
Well, that's not such a stretch. The old lady who lives in the sewer drain on Broad Street in downtown Smallvile, and speaks in tongues, sounds more lucid than Charlie.
Anyway, speaking to Extra, Lindsay seemed clear-headed when talking about her career as an international drug addict and jewel thief, I mean, being a wacktress, i mean being an actress.
Lohan: "I feel great. As long as I'm focusing on the one thing that I know I need to put forth in my life, which is you know, my recovery and stuff. Then I'm doing good and that's most important for me."
The one thing she knows? How to get an array of doctors to provide her with prescription drugs so she can stop shopping in South Central? Or that one thing about how to distract a salesgirl while she slips some jewels into her bag?
Oh. Acting. I'd forgotten she was an actress.
Lohan says she also knows that it will take time to regain the trust of the film industry after her latest run-in with cops and lawyers and judges, oh my. And, it may take even longer to be trusted again, as she is in very serious danger of going to jail on felony charges from stealing that necklace.
She has until March 10 to decide if she wants to take a plea deal--which will include jail time--or go to trial--and risk being sent to jail.
Lohan: "There's gonna be a lot of steps [sidenote: I'm thinking at least Twelve Steps] that I have to go through to kind of prove myself again and get the trust from the people that I respect to work with. But I'm to do what I have to do to get there, because that's my passion."
I hope so Lindsay, because for the past few years your passion has been drugs, drink driving, arrest, rehab, arrest,jail, rehab, drunk driving, arrest, rehab, jewel theft, arrest.
Just sayin'.
I fear for Christina.
I'm hoping that she isn't on the rod to a Britney Meltdown,
I mean, there was the Star Mangled Banner mishap at the Superbowl; then she had the fall at the Grammys after opening the show. And now this.
Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend Matt Rutler were arrested this week in West Hollywood. Christina was booked on a misdemeanor charge for public intoxication, while Rutler also faces a misdemeanor charge for driving under the influence.
Reports have been swirling that Christina has been the hard party girl of the moment, and now it seems to be catching up to her.
i mean, I hope she doesn't attack a car with an umbrella and then shave off all her hair. I'm hoping she doesn't open the VMAs this year, singing from a comatose state. I'm hoping she gets better and gets back to singing.
Sidenote: Remember when all those girl singers appeared on the scene at the same time? Britney, Christina, and Pink? Didn't you always think it'd be Pink who would be the one in trouble? Who knew Pink would turn out to be the Good Girl?
Just syainm'.
I'm guessing that, in the Cruise household, there is a list on the refrigerator of amounts to sue for when the tabloids write something unkind.
I'm thinking the list goes something like this:
Rumors of Tommy being a ginormous flaming queen....sue for $100 million.
Rumors of Katie being a ginormous drug addict....sue for $50 million.
Apparently, being a drug addict is more acceptable than being a giant 'mo.
Katie Holmes has filed a libel lawsuit seeking $50 million in damages from Star magazine after the weekly published a cover story that insinuated she is a drug addict.
Katie Holmes said, after getting permission from Tommy Grrrl to speak: "Of all the fabricated stories that continue to be published about me, this instance is beyond the pale. The publisher knew this outrageous story was false and printed it anyway to sell magazines."
The cover photo shows Holmes looking tired and upset--probably because she had to feed, bathe and clothe Suri and Tommy on the same day--with the tagline: "Addiction Nightmare: Katie Drug Shocker! The real reason she can't leave Tom."
Inside the issue, however, the article doesn't say that Katie is a drug addict, but focuses on her usage of something called an "e-meter" during Scientology sessions; e-meters, flown in directly from Xenu HQ, ALLEGEDLY reflect past emotional experiences.
Holmes says she was forced to file this lawsuit "to vindicate her reputation after American Media refused to retract its vicious lies about her....[the] claims about Katie are untrue, unethical and unlawful. Not only do they cruelly defame Katie, they play a cheap trick on the public, making ridiculously false claims on the cover unsupported by anything inside. Someone should bring a class action to get all buyers their money back."
Star is standing by their story: "We have not been served with any papers yet, however Star fully stands behind the editorial integrity of what we have published concerning Ms. Holmes' controversial use of the Scientology e-meter. The physical effect of the e-meter on its users is a matter of significant public concern, and we plan to vigorously defend the suit filed by Ms. Holmes."
Too bad no one is accusing the pair of being gay drug addicts.
I imagine that would be a $150 million lawsuit.
Just sayin'.
Joan Collins, who made her first appearance onstage for William Shakespeare, was rushed to the hospital from an Oscar after-party last weekend after she passed out.
Was it the fact that she's four-hundred-years old?
No, Collins revealed that her very tight dress was the reason she was hospitalized.
The 'Dynasty' actress, and former courtesan to Henry VIII, was ALLEGEDLY wearing a purple, figure-hugging dress by designer Georges Hobeika at Graydon Carter's Oscar viewing party and dinner when she started to feel faint.
Collins went and rested on a sofa at the hotel's bar, while her fifth husband Percy Gibson--who was born when Joan was married to her second husband, which means her eighth husband is being born now--called for an ambulance. Collins was discreetly helped out of the back of the hotel.
Joan Collins: "The truth was, I made the wrong decision to wear a very tight dress, and had something rather like a Victorian swoon." I believe, and correct me if I'm wrong, Joan Collins invented the Victorian swoon during the Victorian Era.
Now, that picture there, of the centuries old Collins, is one of her in the dress. Doesn't look too snug to me. But maybe it was the corset she borrowed from Marie Antoinette.
Just sayin'.
It looks like the drug addict don't fall far from the tree.
Whitney Houston's daughter, Bobbi Kristina Brown, has fired back at a National Enquirer cover story ALLEGING 17-year-old Brown was snorting cocaine at a party. She turns 18 on Friday.
The Enquirer photo spread shows Bobbi Kristina snorting a white substance, and we know it ain't crack, because crack is wack, like Mama says.
Bobbi Kristina made her case via Twitter, saying, "a former very dear person to me did this. Set me up to make it look exactly what it looks like. God will smite them yes..But it's really not what it looks like.. People will do anything for money which is extremely sad, and I'm very hurt by this."
Um, okay, so it isn't what it looks like, but, um, what is it, because we all know what it looks like.
See, according to the Enquirer--and remember, they broke the John Edwards adultery story so they must be a reputable source--quotes Bobbi Kristina's ex-boyfriend as saying, "Krissi is addicted to cocaine. I've tried to stop her, but all she said was, 'I'm just like my mother!'"
Bobbi Kristina, again on Twitter: "Thing's people do these days to hurt others is a shame. All I can do now, is keep my head up high, keep looking towards the lord.All the lord is telling me is be still. That's all, and that's exactly what I'm going to do."
Hmm, didn't her Mama say the same sorts of things when people said she had a drug problem, which she denied and denied and denied, until she admitted it was true?
Bobbi Kristina: "I love my family so much. My mom just comforted me to the max, and I'm so thankful for her. Thank you so much lord for blessing me with an Phenomenal family and incredibly phenomenal mother. Thank you for giving me the strength to move forward and put things in the past."
Hopefully this isn't true, but, well, it all sounds so vaguely familiar. I'm hoping Bobbi Kristina doesn't do a sit-down with Diane Sawyer.
And, to be fair, the National Enquirer has printed some very interesting Bobbi Kristina stories over the years. In 2008, they reported that a then-15 Bobbi Kristina "tried to stab her mom during an argument--and then attempted to kill herself by slashing her wrists," and in 2010, the Enquirer said Bobbi Kristina was an "out of control....wild child....going party party-crazy."
And, continuing to be fair, in 2007, Whitney herself prohibited her then 14-year-old daughter from MySpace after photos of Bobbi Kristina ALLEGEDLY drinking alcohol and smoking weed surfaced.
Where there's smoke, there's probably a crack pipe.
Just sayin'.
Some people--not me--think Valentine's Day is the most romantic day of the year.
I'm guessing that this past Valentine's Day wasn't that good for Paula Abdul.
The former host of American idol, and the recently cancelled Live to Dance, placed a call to 911 on Valentine's Day while she was riding in a car with her boyfriend.
Crying, she told the operator of her emergency: "I wanna go, and he won't let me!"
And then she was heard, on tapes that TMZ acquired, asking her boyfriend, "Are you gonna drop me off 'cause I have emergency on the phone?"
Soon, thank god, the situation was diffused, and Paula happily sang, using Auto-Tone, "He's dropping me off."
Crisis averted!
Later on, when police spoke to Abdul, she claimed that the earlier incident was a minor argument that never became physical, and she declined to file a police report.
Luckily for Paula, the 911 operators in LA have nothing better to do than,listen to wannabe celebrities and hasbeens comp[lain about not getting their way.
Just sayin'.
All sorts of stories breaking that young and hip first-time Oscar hosts, Anne Hathaway and James Franco grew to hate one another as the show drew closer.
Franco, who, for the most part, seemed keen on just grinning like a fool while onstage, even skipped his own after party, at LA's The Writer's Room, and flew back to New York because he was so pissed off at perky, The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow, Annie.
Now, Franco's rep says the whole thing is a lie, and, miraculously enough, Anne's rep said the same thing.
But if you watched the show, you saw Anne doing all the smiling and laughing and joking, the singing and the dancing, while Franco seemed to be in search of his next bong hit.
Had the academy bothered to ask me, I'd have told them to keep away from the Cheerleader and The Stoner as hosts.
Just sayin'.
Boy, Mike Huckabee has had a busy week.
First, he implied that the president is from Kenya, and that he grew up in Kenya, which we all know--unless you're a Teabagger with one tooth and one brain cell--isn't true.
But now he's gone too far.
Too.Far. I tell ya!
This week presidential wannabe--and that will never happen--Mike Huckabee criticized Oscar-wining actress Natalie Portman for glorifying and glamorizing out-of-wedlock pregnancy.
Y'all remember how Natalie said during her Oscar acceptance speech: "Do it girls, fuck a guy and get knocked up but don't get married. It's fun!"
Oh, wait, that didn't happen, But it didn't stop Huckleberry Hounddog Face from going on 'The Michael Medved Show' the after Portman won the Oscar, and criticize her because she's expecting her first child with fiancé Benjamin Millepied.
Huckabee said: "People see a Natalie Portman who boasts, 'We're not married but we're having these children and they're doing just fine.' I think it gives a distorted image. It's unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out-of-wedlock children."
Hmm, I didn't see glory and glamorization, I saw a woman in love, and glowing.
But then Huckleberry goes on to call Portman's pregnancy "troubling," saying that many single parents do not have the resources that the 29-year-old actress possessed and would not be able to afford help to look after the baby.
Um, okay Mike, you dingbat, um, where was all your holier-than-thou crap after Bristol Palin got knocked up and was trotted out on the campaign trail by her media whoring mother?
Oh, I forgot, it's perfectly fine when the GOP gets pregnant without benefit of marriage, or cheats on their wives, or gets drunk and rives, but not anybody else.
Go back to your hovel in the mountains Huckleberry. You are too out of touch to be president of anything more than the Backwoods Illiterates Club.
Just sayin'.
Lindsay Lohan has stopped getting high and stealing things that don't belong to her long enough to give an interview!
Can I get a Hallelujah up in here!
Well, that's not such a stretch. The old lady who lives in the sewer drain on Broad Street in downtown Smallvile, and speaks in tongues, sounds more lucid than Charlie.
Anyway, speaking to Extra, Lindsay seemed clear-headed when talking about her career as an international drug addict and jewel thief, I mean, being a wacktress, i mean being an actress.
Lohan: "I feel great. As long as I'm focusing on the one thing that I know I need to put forth in my life, which is you know, my recovery and stuff. Then I'm doing good and that's most important for me."
The one thing she knows? How to get an array of doctors to provide her with prescription drugs so she can stop shopping in South Central? Or that one thing about how to distract a salesgirl while she slips some jewels into her bag?
Oh. Acting. I'd forgotten she was an actress.
Lohan says she also knows that it will take time to regain the trust of the film industry after her latest run-in with cops and lawyers and judges, oh my. And, it may take even longer to be trusted again, as she is in very serious danger of going to jail on felony charges from stealing that necklace.
She has until March 10 to decide if she wants to take a plea deal--which will include jail time--or go to trial--and risk being sent to jail.
Lohan: "There's gonna be a lot of steps [sidenote: I'm thinking at least Twelve Steps] that I have to go through to kind of prove myself again and get the trust from the people that I respect to work with. But I'm to do what I have to do to get there, because that's my passion."
I hope so Lindsay, because for the past few years your passion has been drugs, drink driving, arrest, rehab, arrest,jail, rehab, drunk driving, arrest, rehab, jewel theft, arrest.
Just sayin'.
I fear for Christina.
I'm hoping that she isn't on the rod to a Britney Meltdown,
I mean, there was the Star Mangled Banner mishap at the Superbowl; then she had the fall at the Grammys after opening the show. And now this.
Reports have been swirling that Christina has been the hard party girl of the moment, and now it seems to be catching up to her.
i mean, I hope she doesn't attack a car with an umbrella and then shave off all her hair. I'm hoping she doesn't open the VMAs this year, singing from a comatose state. I'm hoping she gets better and gets back to singing.
Sidenote: Remember when all those girl singers appeared on the scene at the same time? Britney, Christina, and Pink? Didn't you always think it'd be Pink who would be the one in trouble? Who knew Pink would turn out to be the Good Girl?
Just syainm'.
I'm guessing that, in the Cruise household, there is a list on the refrigerator of amounts to sue for when the tabloids write something unkind.
I'm thinking the list goes something like this:
Rumors of Tommy being a ginormous flaming queen....sue for $100 million.
Apparently, being a drug addict is more acceptable than being a giant 'mo.
Katie Holmes has filed a libel lawsuit seeking $50 million in damages from Star magazine after the weekly published a cover story that insinuated she is a drug addict.
Katie Holmes said, after getting permission from Tommy Grrrl to speak: "Of all the fabricated stories that continue to be published about me, this instance is beyond the pale. The publisher knew this outrageous story was false and printed it anyway to sell magazines."
The cover photo shows Holmes looking tired and upset--probably because she had to feed, bathe and clothe Suri and Tommy on the same day--with the tagline: "Addiction Nightmare: Katie Drug Shocker! The real reason she can't leave Tom."
Inside the issue, however, the article doesn't say that Katie is a drug addict, but focuses on her usage of something called an "e-meter" during Scientology sessions; e-meters, flown in directly from Xenu HQ, ALLEGEDLY reflect past emotional experiences.
Holmes says she was forced to file this lawsuit "to vindicate her reputation after American Media refused to retract its vicious lies about her....[the] claims about Katie are untrue, unethical and unlawful. Not only do they cruelly defame Katie, they play a cheap trick on the public, making ridiculously false claims on the cover unsupported by anything inside. Someone should bring a class action to get all buyers their money back."
Star is standing by their story: "We have not been served with any papers yet, however Star fully stands behind the editorial integrity of what we have published concerning Ms. Holmes' controversial use of the Scientology e-meter. The physical effect of the e-meter on its users is a matter of significant public concern, and we plan to vigorously defend the suit filed by Ms. Holmes."
Too bad no one is accusing the pair of being gay drug addicts.
I imagine that would be a $150 million lawsuit.
Just sayin'.
Joan Collins, who made her first appearance onstage for William Shakespeare, was rushed to the hospital from an Oscar after-party last weekend after she passed out.
Was it the fact that she's four-hundred-years old?
The 'Dynasty' actress, and former courtesan to Henry VIII, was ALLEGEDLY wearing a purple, figure-hugging dress by designer Georges Hobeika at Graydon Carter's Oscar viewing party and dinner when she started to feel faint.
Collins went and rested on a sofa at the hotel's bar, while her fifth husband Percy Gibson--who was born when Joan was married to her second husband, which means her eighth husband is being born now--called for an ambulance. Collins was discreetly helped out of the back of the hotel.
Joan Collins: "The truth was, I made the wrong decision to wear a very tight dress, and had something rather like a Victorian swoon." I believe, and correct me if I'm wrong, Joan Collins invented the Victorian swoon during the Victorian Era.
Now, that picture there, of the centuries old Collins, is one of her in the dress. Doesn't look too snug to me. But maybe it was the corset she borrowed from Marie Antoinette.
Just sayin'.
It looks like the drug addict don't fall far from the tree.
Whitney Houston's daughter, Bobbi Kristina Brown, has fired back at a National Enquirer cover story ALLEGING 17-year-old Brown was snorting cocaine at a party. She turns 18 on Friday.
Bobbi Kristina made her case via Twitter, saying, "a former very dear person to me did this. Set me up to make it look exactly what it looks like. God will smite them yes..But it's really not what it looks like.. People will do anything for money which is extremely sad, and I'm very hurt by this."
Um, okay, so it isn't what it looks like, but, um, what is it, because we all know what it looks like.
See, according to the Enquirer--and remember, they broke the John Edwards adultery story so they must be a reputable source--quotes Bobbi Kristina's ex-boyfriend as saying, "Krissi is addicted to cocaine. I've tried to stop her, but all she said was, 'I'm just like my mother!'"
Bobbi Kristina, again on Twitter: "Thing's people do these days to hurt others is a shame. All I can do now, is keep my head up high, keep looking towards the lord.All the lord is telling me is be still. That's all, and that's exactly what I'm going to do."
Hmm, didn't her Mama say the same sorts of things when people said she had a drug problem, which she denied and denied and denied, until she admitted it was true?
Bobbi Kristina: "I love my family so much. My mom just comforted me to the max, and I'm so thankful for her. Thank you so much lord for blessing me with an Phenomenal family and incredibly phenomenal mother. Thank you for giving me the strength to move forward and put things in the past."
Hopefully this isn't true, but, well, it all sounds so vaguely familiar. I'm hoping Bobbi Kristina doesn't do a sit-down with Diane Sawyer.
And, to be fair, the National Enquirer has printed some very interesting Bobbi Kristina stories over the years. In 2008, they reported that a then-15 Bobbi Kristina "tried to stab her mom during an argument--and then attempted to kill herself by slashing her wrists," and in 2010, the Enquirer said Bobbi Kristina was an "out of control....wild child....going party party-crazy."
And, continuing to be fair, in 2007, Whitney herself prohibited her then 14-year-old daughter from MySpace after photos of Bobbi Kristina ALLEGEDLY drinking alcohol and smoking weed surfaced.
Where there's smoke, there's probably a crack pipe.
Just sayin'.
Some people--not me--think Valentine's Day is the most romantic day of the year.
I'm guessing that this past Valentine's Day wasn't that good for Paula Abdul.
Crying, she told the operator of her emergency: "I wanna go, and he won't let me!"
And then she was heard, on tapes that TMZ acquired, asking her boyfriend, "Are you gonna drop me off 'cause I have emergency on the phone?"
Soon, thank god, the situation was diffused, and Paula happily sang, using Auto-Tone, "He's dropping me off."
Crisis averted!
Later on, when police spoke to Abdul, she claimed that the earlier incident was a minor argument that never became physical, and she declined to file a police report.
Luckily for Paula, the 911 operators in LA have nothing better to do than,listen to wannabe celebrities and hasbeens comp[lain about not getting their way.
Just sayin'.
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