Sunday Funnies

Seth Meyers Was Right: It WAS A Joke

Real estate mogul, reality TV celebrity, bad hair and serial bankruptcy filer, Donald Trump has announced he will not be running for president in 2012. In a related story, he did admit he is still considering a run for President of the Hair Club For Men, since he's already a client.

But Chump, er, Hump, er, Trump, said, in his statement, well, he said a lot of things, so lets listen in, and I'll make snide remarks as we go:

"After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the office of the Presidency. This decision does not come easily or without regret; especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls across the country."

Um, Donald, being tied for fifth place with Ron Paul is not the TOP of the polls, unless you're reading them upside down.

"I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election."

So, you could win the nomination and the election, but you won't run? Really, Donny?

"I want to personally thank the millions of Americans who have joined the various Trump grassroots movements and written me letters and e-mails encouraging me to run. My gratitude for your faith and trust in me could never be expressed properly in words."

Sorry, Teabaggers, I care more about my wallet than I do yours.

"I will continue to voice my opinions loudly and help to shape our politician's thoughts. My ability to bring important economic and foreign policy issues to the forefront of the national dialogue is perhaps my greatest asset and one of the most valuable services I can provide to this country."

In other words, though I could run and win, I won't do it, but I also won't shut my mouth, because when I speak, people listen, but not if I'm president.

"I will continue to push our President and the country's policy makers to address the dire challenges arising from our unsustainable debt structure and increasing lack of global competitiveness....including getting tough on China and other countries that are methodically and systematically taking advantage of the United States, were seldom mentioned before I brought them to the forefront of the country's conversation."

Yeah, Donny, no one was talking about China until you brought it up.

Keep strokin' that ego, Chump, er, Hump, er, Trump, but rest assured that though you had scads of followers the chances of you getting elected to any public office higher than dog catcher were minimal, at best.

Now, be gone, before someone drops a house on you.

source

Thank You, Sir

"Dogald Trump"

On a recent episode of his "reality" show, Celebrity Apprentice, Donald Trump made note of how well Meat Loaf cleans up, by saying:

"You know I'm not a gay man. I think gayness is wonderful, frankly, but I'm not a gay man."

 And to that, I say:

"Thank you, sir. The LGBT community thanks you for not being a gay man. We have enough problems without having to explain you."

I Didn't Say It......

Mel Gibson, on pleading "no contest" to ALLEGEDLY beating on Oksana Grigorieva:

"I was allowed to end the case and still maintain my innocence. It’s called a West plea and it’s not something that prosecutors normally allow. But in my case, the prosecutors and the judge agreed that it was the right thing to do. I could have continued to fight this for years and it probably would have come out fine. But I ended it for my children and my family. This was going to be such a circus. You don’t drag other people in your life through this sewer needlessly, so I’ll take the hit and move on."

Guess what, Melvin?
You can spin this any way you want, but 'no contest' means guilty. it means you don't want to fight the charges and waste the court's time.
It doesn't maintain innocence.
You know what does maintain innocence?
Being innocent.

David Koch, on Donald Trump's "presidential" aspirations:

"Donald Trump is exposing himself to a lot of attacks. As much as I like Donald, he's sort of asking for it....Donald's political positions over the last 10 years have been highly variable and unusual. He's a wonderful guy, but I don't think he should run for office....At some point I think he's going to drop out of the race when he realizes that he's really not qualified to be President."

Well, of course David Koch doesn't want Donald Trump to run.
He can't "buy" Donald Trump as easily as he bought, say, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker.

Cher, on being proud of her son Chaz' transition from female to male: 

"I admire my son Chaz's courage for sharing his personal journey. Most important to me is that he is very happy. That's what I care about the most. He has my love and support."

Cher got a lot of grief over not being instantly accepting of Chaz coming out.
And then she got the same treatment when Chaz announced he would be transitioning. But what we all need to realize that, as hard as it is for some of us to comprehend transitioning, it is doubly hard, or even harder, for a parent to understand.
And I think her struggle to understand all this has helped many people struggle to understand gender reassignment. 

Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips, on his belief that Obama only killed bin Laden to help his reelection:

"Osama’s body should have not been immediately buried. We should have told everyone that the body was wrapped in pig fat before burial. Why? It is not just the visceral insult. It is sending a message. Contrary to what the politically correct say, Osama does represent the mainstream of Islam. By defiling the body, we say that you are not getting your 72 virgins. This should be the policy we have with every Islamic terrorist we capture. If you die, we are going to deny you paradise. If we capture you, we are going to feed you nothing but pork until you talk."

Right, you wingnut. It sends the message to bin Laden followers, and any terrorist group, to double their efforts at retaliation.
Let's treat people like animals and then cry foul when they do the same to us.
i think Judson Phillips is more upset that, in the same week that Obama took down the terrorist, he also proved....AGAIN.....that he is an American citizen.
Take that, Teabagging asshats.

Minnesota Congressman, and Democrat, Steve Simon, speaking to anti-gays about the proposed gay marriage ban in his state:

"Ask yourself, if it's true that sex orientation is innate, is God-given, then what does it mean to the moral force of your argument? To put it in the vernacular, what I would ask is, 'How many more people does God have to create before we ask ourselves whether or not God actually wants them around? How many gay people does God have to create before we ask ourselves whether the living of their lives the way they wish as long as they don't harm others is Godly, holy, happy, glorious. thing.' I've answered that for myself. I don't think everyone's answered that for themselves. I'm comfortable with a society and tradition that bends toward justice, fairness, wholeness, openness, compassion..."

Beautifully said.
Simply put.
And yet it fell on deaf ears, as the GOP majority voted to pass a gay marriage ban.

Sarah Palin, on the killing of Osama bin Laden, and who gets credit for it:

"Yesterday was a testament to the military’s dedication in relentlessly hunting down an enemy through many years of war. And we thank our president, we thank President Bush for having made the right calls to set up this victory."

Someone needs to get a calender and remember that our president is Barack Obama.
Someone needs to be told that w once said capturing, or even killing, bin Laden was not a priority.
Someone needs to be told that it was President Obama who gave the orders to take the terrorist down.
Failing that, someone needs to shut her moose hole.

Jon Stewart, on Obama's, and Seth Meyer's tribute to Trump:

"I'm watching this Apprentice episode...I'm watching it to see if Obama and Seth Meyer's absolute shellacking of Donald Trump at the White House Correspondents Dinner on Saturday had left a visible mark. Even though the episode had been taped prior to the Correspondents' Dinner, the demolition of Trump at the Correspondents' Dinner was so thorough I thought it might actually supersede the rules of dimensional time and space and leave a mark on future episodes of The Apprentice."

Poor Donald.
He loves the attention, but not at the expense of his hair, his "reality" show, or his ego. 

Has-been senator, Rick Santorum, offering frothy mix praise to Obama:

"Barack Obama, who certainly is not someone I would say is known for fighting great causes in defense of American freedom, but I will give him credit in this, that he remained vigilant in going after Osama bin Laden. We have to continue to be vigilant in going after this enemy, when we’ve seen, if anything from this administration, is a lack of leadership, an indecisiveness, a confusion in dealing with the troubles that have erupted, particularly in the Middle East during this presidency. We’ve seen a lack of conviction, a lack of resolve. Maybe, again, that will change as a result of this success over the weekend."

See what he does there?
A teaspoon of praise surrounded by a bashing.
The GOP can't even be bothered to admit that, under the Barack Obama administration, Osama bin Laden was taken out. In just over two years.

Bryan Fischer, asshat and racist spokesmoron of the American Family Association, on Obama ordering the killing of bin Laden:

"You have just invited the entire Islamic world to focus all of their vitriol, all of their hatred, all of their animosity, directly on YOU."

I can't help but think that this wingnut might be singing a different tune altogether, had it been a different president who ordered the killing.
A GOP president.
A white president.
He cannot hide his inherent racism, and, well, lately, he doesn't even seem to be trying.

Donald Trump, comparing gay marriage to a putter:

"It’s like in golf. A lot of people — I don’t want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist."

And your fabulous friends think you're an asshat.
A hair-covered asshat, who has flip-flopped on this issue, going from before for Civil Unions to being utterly against them.
Anything to get attention, eh Rat's Nest?

Rush Limbaugh, praising...PRAISING....the president:

"We need to open the program today by congratulating President Obama. President Obama has done something extremely effective, and when he does, this needs to be pointed out....Our military wanted to go in there and just scorch the earth...but President Obama single-handedly understood what was at stake here. He alone understood the need to get DNA to prove the death...it was President Obama single-handedly and alone who came up with the strategy that brought about the effective assassination of Osama bin Laden, thank God for President Obama."

Wow.
Who'da thunk a gasbag like Limbaugh would have ever said anything resembling praise of Obama?
So, for today, just for today, I'll give him props for not goosestepping along with the Palin-Santorum-Cantor GOP asshats.

Donald Trump, again, on his White House Correspondents Dinner Roasting:

"I didn't know that I'd be virtually the sole focus. I guess when you're leading in the polls that sort of thing tends to happen. You raise to a certain level in the polls and boy does the world come after you. But I was certainly in a certain way having a good time listening. I don't think the American people are having a good time with $5 gas. I was thinking to myself as they were doing this, 'You know, the American people are really suffering and we're all having fun at a gala. I thought Seth Meyers — his delivery frankly was not good. He's a stutterer."

First off, asshat, you aren't leading in the polls. Well, maybe against other GOP'ers, but that speaks volumes about their chances in 2012.
Second off, asshat, Americans might be worried about $5 a gallon gas, but so are you. The difference is, you're worried about how you can get in on those massive oil company profits and we're worrying about getting to work without going broke.
Third off, asshat, you are going to critique a comedian? You, who can't even take a joke without flaring your nostrils and flipping your wig?
Fourth off, asshat.
That's all.

GLAAD president, Jarrett Barrios, on joining the NAACP in demanding that Sally Kern resign following her blatantly racist remarks:

"Given her long and well-documented history of extreme bias towards minorities, this apology means nothing. Republicans and Democrats alike agree that the kind of blatant bigotry from an elected official like Sally Kern has no place in our public sphere. Sally Kern should resign immediately."

She won't. She didn't
She uttered the standard Non-apology-apology and then went back to business as usual.
Until she steps in it again.
Hopefully the people of Oklahoma are growing tired of her racist and homophobic rants and will remove her from office permanently come election time.

Steven Soderbergh, on making a movie with Channing Tatum playing a male stripper, based on Tatum's own early career as a male stripper:

"When Channing talked to me about this, I thought it was one of the best ideas I'd ever heard for a movie," Soderbergh said in a statement. "I said I wanted in immediately. It's sexy, funny and shocking. We're using Saturday Night Fever as our model, so hopefully we're on the right track."

I might be getting in line for this one soon.
Channing Tatum.
Stripping.
Channing Tatum.
'Nuff said. 

Larry Kramer, on his gay identity:

"I am a gay person before I’m anything else. I’m a gay person before I’m a white person, before I’m a Jew, before I’m a writer, before I’m American, anything. That is my most identifying characteristic and I don’t find many people who would say that. The polls say the same thing: People do not identify themselves as gay. And that’s too bad. In fact, it’s tragic. It will prevent us from ever having what we deserve, I believe."

For once, I'm not sure I agree with Kramer.
I identify as a human being first and foremost, which helps me to understand that we are all the same, because we are all human beings.
Then I identify as male. Gay male, White gay male.
Fabulous white gay male.
Who can, and will, still fight for the LGBT community and equality.

Mel Gibson, again, on the future of his "acting" career:

"I’m beyond that, way beyond that. The whole experience has been most unfortunate. And so it’s not without all the downside. I could easily not act again. It’s not a problem. I’m going to do something now because I want to do it and because it’s fun. I’ve already pulled another job and it’s going to be fun."

Is the "something fun" something that weill keep you out of the public eye?
Will it keep you from drinking and driving?
Will it keep you from making public racist-homophobic-misogynistiic rants?
Will it keep you from spousal battery?
If so, then I'm all for it.

Obama Just Can't Win

Just when he produces his birth certificate [again!!] to shut up his critics, President Obama has sparked a new firestorm of criticism.

It all began when he showed the birth certificate, and remarked, "We're not going to be able to solve our problems if we get distracted by sideshows and carnival barkers."

The carnival barkers were not amused.

Frank Zaitshik, who runs Wade Shows, says, "I am extremely upset by the reference." He says he has spent much of his life battling negative stereotypes about his industry. "I think what Obama said is the same type of stereotype that has been placed on African Americans. You wouldn't expect those comments from someone who is a minority and has faced prejudice."

Ron Weber, editor of Carnival Warehouse.com, a website dealing with the industry, thought the president should be more sensitive about singling out groups when making disparaging comments: "A person who has fought for equal rights may not realize he's hurting a group of people. Maybe carnival people are the last safe stereotype to attack."

Who thought carnival barkers were so sensitive? Maybe an innocent remark should be seen as just that. See, I don't think negatively of carnival barkers, and I don't think Obama does either. When he said that, I simply thought he was comparing Trump to the guys who try to get you into the amusements where you see the Bearded Lady, or Bigfoot, or Yeti. You know, things that don't exist.

Like the president's Kenyan birth certificate.

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GOP Wingnuts Try To Rewrite History

A little history refresher:

September 11, 2001: Osama bin Laden's minions, on his orders, attacked the United States, and murdered 3,000 or our citizens.

September, 18, 2001: When speaking to the country President George W Bush said, of bin Laden: "I want justice. And there's an old poster out West that says, 'Wanted: Dead or Alive.' " [SOURCE]

September 14, 2006: A few days after the fifth anniversary of the attacks, President George W Bush said capturing bin Laden is “not a top priority use of American resources.” [SOURCE]

I remember thinking, "WTF?" I mean, how did bin Laden go from  being wanted dead or alive to being a non-priority in just five years. I remember being shocked at that. And today, that shock continues. 

While former President Bush has praised President Obama for the capture and killing Of Osama bin Laden--as has Dick "Hounds From Hell: Cheney--the rest of the GOP has been busy rewriting the last few years.

GOP lapdog and chief goosestepper, Majority Whip Eric Cantor:
“I commend President Obama who has followed the vigilance of President Bush in bringing Bin Laden to justice.”

What vigilance, sir? Five years ago Bush said bin Laden was not a priority. Now, I understand that our intelligence community never stopped working to find bin Laden, but when our president says bin Laden doesn't matter I don't call him "vigilant".

Former Bush Chief of Staff Andy Card:
“[Bush] made sure everything was in place so that President Obama could have an opportunity to get Osama bin Laden.”

Again, how do you make sure everything was in place when you say, basically, 'Meh, we don't care about bin Laden.'

Former Bush adviser Karl Rove said on Fox & Friends this morning:
“I think the tools that President Bush put into place –- GITMO, rendition, enhanced interrogation, the vast effort to collect and collate this information — obviously served his successor quite well.”

Heritage Foundation President Edwin Feulner, wrote in a blog post,
“Bin Laden’s elimination vindicates U.S. strategy in the region, started under President George W. Bush.” 

John Yoo, Bush legal adviser who wrote “torture memos”:
“Without the tough decisions taken by President Bush and his national security team, the United States could not have found and killed bin Laden. It is the continuity of policies in the war on terror that has brought success, not the misguided effort of the last two years to disavow them.”

Conservative blogger Michelle Malkin Nit-Twitted:
“U know who Obama forgot 2 thank? Bush-era interrogators&detention staff who dvlped intel re couriers.”

Tea Party Nation head Judson Phillips said:
"It took almost ten years, but Osama is dead. That is the good news. The bad news is Obama is going to do what most politicians do, especially the liberal politicians....Obama is taking credit for this. He did give the order. Did he really have a choice? If word leaked out that he had solid intelligence on where Bin Laden was and did not act, it would have killed any chance he had at reelection. Of course, he made his announcement right in the middle of Donald Trump’s “Celebrity Apprentice” show. Of course, that was just a coincidence."


As for real estate mogul Donald Trump, he had more important things to Nit-Twit about:
"Don’t forget to watch Donald J. Trump’s Fabulous World of Golf—tonight at 9 pm, Golf Channel.”

Now, I don't doubt that interrogations that took place under W might have helped; and I do believe that the hunt for bin Laden continued while Bush was president. But I cannot ever forget that he also said bin Laden, who was repsonsible for killing 3,000 Americans and terrorizing an entire country, no longer mattered. 

And I will never forget how the GOP tripped all over themselves to heap praise on a man who had seven years to find bin Laden and didn't, and trash a man who did find him in just over two years.

SOURCE

Just For Giggles

This just in from Twunty McSlore at Love Me, Love My Blog:

Ladies and Gentlemen..............Cher

Trump Wants Your Vote, Yet He Doesn't Vote Himself

Donald Trump says he's considering running for president, while I think he's just stroking his over-inflated comb-over. But what's most interesting about all this is that Donald Trump, Mister Teabagger Darling, Mister God Loves America, Mister Gays Aren't Equal, Mister Birther, hasn't voted in any primary election for more than twenty-one years.

At least according to the folks who would know, the New York City Board of Elections.

He last voted in a primary way back in 1989, when Rudy Giuliani beat businessman Ronald Lauder, and then he took twenty-one years off. Records also show that one Donald Hump, er, Trump skipped the 2002 general election, when Republican incumbent, Governor George Pataki defeated Carl McCall.

Yet Trump insists he's voted in every general election.

Of course, he also insists the president wasn't born in this country. He also insists that the Obama administration and campaign must have paid off every single journalist in the world, including the "journalists" at FoxNews, to keep that secret. He also insists that Barack Obama didn't write both the books that Obama says he authored.

Donald Trumps insists: "You're going to pay a big price because you're wrong. I have records that I voted and so does the Board of Elections ... I signed in at every election."

Then  he had his lawyer defend his voting practices. But then his lawyer also said, that while Trump has always voted, he perosnally has no idea to which party Trump had belonged to in previous years.

Like I said, this is all to stroke his massive comb-over.

source

I Didn't Say It......

With tomorrow being the Day Of Silence, I will choose to be quiet--is that a Hallelujah, I hear?--so I'm posting "I Didn't Say It...." a day early, along with some of my other rants and rages.
I'll have the usual gossipy snark on Saturday and some lovely Sunday Funnies, and will be back with fresh stuff  on Monday.
Have a great weekend.

Gay GOP Presidential candidate Fred Karger, on Mike Huckabee and The Gays: 

"One year ago, Mike Huckabee said terrible things about my community and me. He compared gay marriage to incest, polygamy and drug abuse. He said that gay couples should not be able to adopt: 'These are not puppies, raising children is not an experiment.' Who the hell is he to cast aspersions on others? I don't like self-righteous bullies. So, I will from time to time bring up the hypocrisy of those others who are considering running for president in 2012. I have written three previous columns asking Mike Huckabee to apologise to the victims of these horrific murders and to the millions of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer Americans whom he brands as unfit parents. He certainly owes us an apology, as well."

Oh, Huckleberry will never apologize. Doing so would separate him from his base of toothless illiterate Birthers and Teabaggers who vote hate, not law.
Huckleberry will the last man standing when this country finally treats all its citizens as equals, and he'll be holding a God Hates Fags sign.

Richard Land, president of the Southern Baptist Convention's "ethics commission," on Nashville's decision not to do business with companies that discriminate against their LGBT employees:

"So a six-foot guy who shaves every day can come in wearing a dress, high heels, and earrings and tell his employer that he's really a woman and he wants to use the women's bathroom facilities, and there's nothing the employer can do to stop him if he wants to do business in Metro. Clearly the Metro Council members, a majority of them succumbed to the intense lobbying of a minority that wants special rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people."

Yes, Dick.
May I call you Dick, because that's what you are when you employ these kinds of divisive stereotypes that all gay men want to be women, and be in the women's bathrooms.
And then you mutter that old chestnut of a lie about "special rights". Since when is not getting fired, denied housing, denied employment, based on who you are a "special right"?
Crawl back under your rock.

Congresswoman, and Crazy Eyed, Michele Bachmann, on marriage equality:

"In 5,000 years of recorded human history... neither in the east or in the west... has any society ever defined marriage as anything other than between men and women. Not one in 5000 years of recorded human history. That's an astounding fact and it isn't until the last 12 years or so that we have seen for the first time in recorded human history marriage defined as anything other than between men and between women."

Hey Michele, you tool.
In 5,000 years marriage has gone from a tradition of women being treated like property, to marriage being used to gain power and control, to marriage being one man and as many wives as he wanted, to marriage being interfaith, to marriage being interracial.
So, stop this traditional marriage bull shiz.
There is no such thing, you gasbag.

Congresswoman, and Crazy Eyed, Michele Bachmann [again!], on how she felt when Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriage:

"I heard the news on my local Christian radio station in Minneapolis/St. Paul, and I was devastated. And I went across the street and I took a walk and I went to prayer, and I said: 'Lord, what you have me do in the Minnesota State Senate?' And through prayer I knew that I was to introduce the marriage amendment in Minnesota."

Um, dingbat, er, Michele.
I kid. I meant dingbat.
So, God told you to introduce a marriage amendment in Minnesota, did he?
Did God happen to mention in your subsequent talks that Minnesota presently does not have a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage?
Or did you just conveniently forget the truth?
Again?

Former GOP Senator Alan Simpson, on GOP homophobia:

"We have homophobes in our party. That’s disgusting to me. We’re all human beings. We’re all God’s children. Now if they’re going to get off on that stuff—Santorum has said some cruel things—cruel, cruel things—about homosexuals. Ask him about it; see if he attributes the cruelness of his remarks years ago. Foul. Now if that’s the kind of guys that are going to be on my ticket, you know, it makes you sort out hard what Reagan said, you know, 'Stick with your folks.' But I’m not sticking with people who are homophobic, anti-women, moral values—while you’re diddling your secretary while you’re giving a speech on moral values? Come on, get off of it."

Get off it, indeed.
Hypocrisy and homophobia and moral outrage at any who doesn't share the GOP mantra.
Even while they don't follow it themselves. And nice to see a GOP'er stand up to his own party.

Boy George, on his friend Phillip Sallon, who was gay-bashed last week:

"In the early 80s there was this sense that things were changing, and becoming more open-minded. But we don’t have that sort of gorgeous youth culture any more, the glam rockers, the New Romantics. People aren’t so individual any more. There is this sense of why would you want to stand out and make a show of yourself? You can find that sort of attitude in the gay community too. That if you are an exhibitionist you are somehow spoiling the big assimilation. Most gay men go out of their way to look normal and fit in, but Philip is not of that breed."

Boy, Boy, you say some dumb things.
There are plenty of gay men who don't "fit in".
But they don't do it by outrageous clothing, or nonsensical statements.
They do it, we do it, I do it, by living our lives openly and honestly and letting people know that we don't all have to be Boy George to think we're fabulous.

Montenegrin Prime Minister Igor Lukšić, on supporting a gay Pride Parade:

“Whether we personally accept them or not, whether we personally have one opinion or the other, let that remain our personal thought, but we must face the fact that there are differences in the society, that those issues are a part of the human rights corpus. Let the people take a walk and we will show that we are civilized.”

I like the sentiment.
I like the idea of the leader of a country standing up and talking openly himself, not through press releases and flunkies.
I have a problem with the word them. To me, it is the most divisive word because it splits people into them and us.
He should have just said whether you personally accept gay people or not.....
Because people don't have to accept me, but they cannot legislate against me or treat me as any thing other than an equal.

Sarah Palin, flip-flopping [quelle surprise!] on the issue of Birthers:

"I believe he was born in Hawaii...[but]...,I appreciate that The Donald wants to spend his resources in getting to the bottom of something that so interests him and so many Americans. You know, more power to him! He's not just throwin' stones from the sidelines. He's diggin' in there! He's paying for researchers to find out why President Obama would have spent $2 million to not show his birth certificate."

Hmmm, so you believe he was born in Hawaii, but you believe he's hiding something on his birth certificate? And you like someone wasting time, when they could be talking about, oh, I dunno, issues?
Or, are you just stooping as low as you can, say, to Trump's level, to try and make yourself appear relevant?
It ain't working, Mama Grizzly Bore. It ain't working.

Donald Trump, on NYT writer, Gail Collins after she read him in an article:

"The term used by Ms. Collins-“birther”-is very derogatory and is meant in a derogatory way. Had this been George Bush or almost any other President or Presidential aspirant, they would never have been allowed to attain office, or would have been thrown out of office very quickly. For some reason, the press protects President Obama beyond anything or anyone I have ever seen. What they don't realize is that if he was not born in the United States, they would have uncovered the greatest "scam" in the history of our country. In other words, they would become the hottest writer since Watergate, or beyond. Open your eyes, Gail, there's at least a good chance that Barack Hussein Obama has made mincemeat out of our great and cherished Constitution!"

Looky there, Trump has reduced himself to throwing in the Hussein because he wants all his Birther Fools to think that Obama is a Muslim, and therefore a terrorist.
Does Donald Trump think for one instant that Hilary Clinton didn't investigate this bull shiz so she could become the Democratic nominee in '08?
And does he seriously think any board of elections that watches over the electoral process--the same group that would ask that his "reality" show be removed if he announced his candidacy--not do their due dilligence when Obama ran for any public office? You're barking up the wrong tree, Donny, and making the GOP look like a bunch of moronic losers while you're at it.
Keep it up, and you all can watch Barack Hussein Obama being sworn in again.

Republican asshat, and governor of Iowa wannabe, Bob Vander Plaats, on his belief that homosexuality is a public public health risk:

"When you take a look at it, this isn’t the Family Leader, but say the New York Health Department. They’ve put out an ad basically highlighting all the dangers of the homosexual lifestyle, that you’re this many times more to get this particular disease or this many times more to get this other type of disease. Now, they conclude with 'practice safe sex.' But they’re almost taking our talking points. Because anybody, the Journal of Medicine will back us up on this, that this is a risky lifestyle, health risk lifestyle. If we’re teaching the kids, 'don’t smoke, because that’s a risky health style,' the same can be true of the homosexual lifestyle. That’s why I think we need to speak the truth once in a while."

Gee, Bob, why don't we legislate against any and all public health risks.
Like smoking. Drinking. Guns.
Why aren't you out fighting to keep kids off drugs? That's got to be a public health risk. I mean, kids that use and share needles are at risk of HIV, and their drug addict "lifestyle" should be outlawed. Oh, I know drugs are illegal, but you aren't fighting that battle, Bob, you just want to denigrate The Gays.
Prostitutes having unprotected sex are at risk of HIV, so we ought to legislate their lifestyle. Oh, I know prostitution is illegal, but you aren't fighting that battle, Bob, you just want to denigrate The Gays.
But, a very real public health risk is being stupid and hateful, Bob.
So, maybe we need to get the New York Health Department to do an ad about you.

Robert Pattinson, on, well, Robert Pattinson:

"I guess I used to be weirder. When you’re confronted with yourself too much, you start to think, Jesus Christ, you’re so fucking boring. And the more you think you’re boring, the more you become boring. I talk about myself too much now."

And look?
You're doing it again. And again.
One day, Rob, Twilight will be over, and no one will want to hear you talk about yourself.
I await that day.

John Boehner, on how he has no idea what the House's legal defense of the DOMA might cost: 

“I do not have an estimate. But we were placed in a position where we were in effect allowing the administration to determine the constitutionality of a bill that passed the United States Congress because they were unwilling to defend it. I don’t think the House had any choice but to take the position that we were going to defend the work that the Congress — and only the courts are in the position of determining the constitutionality of any bill.”

Hmmm, um, Weepy?
I thought you were put in that position, I mean as Crybaby, er, Speaker, because you wanted to fix the country, you know. Get people back to work? Help them keep their homes? Make the US economy strong again?
But, no, you're just about symbolic repeals of laws you cannot repeal, keeping Car Talk off my radio dial, and defending DOMA, which is basically defending inequality and injustice.
I see you weeping again soon, Johnny, as you pass that gavel back to the Democrats.

American Family Association spokesdouche Bryan Fischer, believing that we must force all immigrants top convert to Christianity or send them home [sidenote: and he says the AFA isn't a Hate Group?]:

"It’s simple: don’t break the law (that is, come in through the front door instead of breaking in through a window), convert to Christianity, fully assimilate (become an authentic American, not a hyphenated American), and support yourself. If you commit to those things, you are welcome here. If you don’t or won’t, perhaps it’s best for you to stay home."

Wow.
Hate.
Pure and simple hate.
He wants people to become like him, or not enter this country at all. Imagine if that had been our policy all those years ago. No one of a different color than white, a different religion than Christianity, a different language than English.
No, he isn't a hater.
He's The Hater.

Jerry Cox, of the Arkansas Family Policy Council, on the state Supreme Court ruling outlawing a gay adoption ban:

"What this ruling does is it puts the rights of adults and their preferences ahead of what's best for children, and that's a sad thing and a bad day for the foster and adoptive children of Arkansas. The court simply ignored the will of the people, took matters into their own hands and looked at the people and said, 'What you think doesn't matter; we're going to have the final word in this.' And they took control of the issue and struck down a good law that's there for the welfare of children."

The best thing for children is to be loved and nurtured and cared for by a loving parent or parents.
And to ask people to legislate that LGBT people cannot love or nurture or care for a child is the height of hate.
Even in Mike Huckabee's Arkansas.