I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Ricki Lake is talking. A lot. Apparently, she is developing a new, another, talk show, and is telling anyone and everyone, who will listen, about the show, about her love life, about her ongoing weight loss, about the book she's writing about her life story because we all can't get enough of......what's her name again?

Oh, yeah, Ricki Lake.
But, um, yeah, one thing Ricki ain't talking about is how she is being sued by Hovsep Kousayan, the owner of a house in Malibu, that Ricki and her family rented last year, and that burned down last September. It is being ALLEGED that the fire that destroyed the beachfront home was started, accidentally, of course, while Ricki was freebasing.
Wait, that was Richard Pryor.,
No, Ricki ALLEGEDLY started the fire when she spilled oil while refilling a space heater.
In his lawsuit, Kousayan is ALLEGED to have spoken with emergency responders who claim that on the scene, Lake essentially admitted to causing the blaze. In fact, on the 911 tape, a panicked Lake is heard saying to her children, "Mommy made a mistake."
The Sheriff's Department of Los Angeles County investigated the fire at Lake's rental home and concluded that it was an accident. Capt. Larry Robideaux: "Ms. Lake was refueling a portable heater inside her home and accidentally caused the fire...It took crews approximately ten minutes to extinguish the fire....This has been ruled as an accidental fire. Case closed."
Yeah, unless it's your multi-million dollar Malibu home that Ricki Lake ALLEGEDLY torched.
Hopefully her upcoming chat show pays a lot. I'm thinking she's gonna need it.

What do you do when, while you were married,  and making some forgettable Lifetime movie, you started schtupping your co-star, which caused your husband to divorce you, and caused your adulterous boyfriend's wife to divorce him?

Well, if you're LeAnn Rimes, you continue the drama.
It seems that while honeymooning with her new husband, Eddie Cibrian, Rimes Tweeted pictures of herself, though not of the Weiner variety, that also caused a stir.
The pics showed a very thin, some might say emaciated, Rimes in a bikini, and caused all sorts of ruckus about how thin she's become; but hey, people, husband stealing burns a lot of calories!
Adultery? Check!
Rumors of an eating disorder? Check!
Now, it seems, she wants to be the new JLO and is fighting off rumors that a sex tape, made with her former husband, Dean Sheremet, is floating around, which caused Rimes to Tweet:  "I hear there are rumors of a 'sex tape' I have never filmed myself having sex on tape, period. Haven't joined that club LOL! Just wanted to put minds at ease."
Yes, please put minds at ease, because the picture of your crackling thin body having sex, and now breaking in two, is an image I want to erase.
But keep on plugging.
Adultery? Check!
Rumors of an eating disorder? Check!
Sex tape? Check!
Now, we all know that publicity is good, really, but the kind Rimes is getting, for cheating on her husband, or being more than a bit anorexic, and having a sex tape, is not the way to go.
In the words of the Dixie Chicks: LeAnn? Shut up and sing.

This breaks my heart. When two kids can't stay together, I get weepy.
Yes, tis true, dear readers, seven-hundred-eighty-five-year-old Hugh Hefner's twenty-five-year-old fiance, Crystal [and why are so many Playboy models called 'Crystal'?] Harris, has broken off the engagement.

Man, when two kids with so much in common can't make it, well, then, I lose all hope.
Hefner glumly Tweeted: "The wedding is off. Crystal has had a change of heart."
Or, maybe she realized she was marrying a man old enough to be, not her father, no, not her grandfather, no, but her great-grandfather. So, so much in common.
Harris, who is an aspiring singer, and is ALLEGEDLY romantically involved with Dr. Phil's son, said: "After much deep reflection and thought I have decided to end my engagement with Hef. I have the utmost respect for Hef and wish him the best going forward. I hope the media will give each of us the privacy we deserve during this time."
Let me translate: "After about a minute, I realized I couldn't marry a man who is old enough to have seen the turn of two centuries. I'm a hot nude model who can sing and am trying to shop a reality show around town, and I couldn't be bothered with changing He'f's diapers on a daily basis, so I'm Audi."
As for the privacy part, that makes me giggle, because they were going to film the wedding and show it on TV. Yeah, this is sad. I'm heartbroken.

Troubled actor Charlie Sheen is telling anyone and everyone who will listen that he has another TV gig lined up after being fired from CBS' 2.5 Men for being a drug-addled douche.

It seems that sources--and by sources, I mean, porn stars and drug dealers, because this is Sheen we're talking about--close to Sheen have said that the wacktor is in talks for a new TV series that could debut as early as January 2012.
Trouble is, no one is talking about any network, or any deal or any show. And still, Sheen's representatives are saying he is in "deep negotiations" and the deal could be done by the weekend.
The series, ALLEGEDLY a sitcom, will be written specifically around Sheen--which means he'll be playing a drug-addled, bipolar, sex-addicted narcissist--and that there will be no pilot shot. This is definitely a go, because, well, it stars Charlie Sheen.\
Winning.
And while minor details--like what network would hire him....like is he to be paid in cash or cocaine....like who's producing it....like how many porn stars are on the payroll--have not been been revealed, one thing that Sheen has clearly stated is that 'Two and a Half Men' creator and producer Chuck Lorre will not be involved in the new show.
Oh, I thought that was a given.
Good luck in Fantasyville, Charlie.
 
Oprah Winfrey.
What's does the Big O do when her TV show ends and her network, OWN, is really kind of a failure?

Well, she decides to have another talk show, on OWN, so maybe people will watch. And by people, i mean people who don't wanna see Shania Twain get her career back, or see The Judds in therapy, or watch Ryan and Tatum O'Neal bring their dysfuntionality to the small screen.
Yes, the Big O--who just ended her talk show on a network she doesn't OWN--will be back on TV sooner than we thought, when "Oprah's Next Chapter" starts airing.
And who does O want as a guest?
O followed quickly by J.
O says her "dream" is to take on O.J. Simpson and get the ultimate scoop, like having him admit on TV that he murdered two people in cold blood: "I have a dream of O.J. Simpson confessing to me. And I am going to make that happen people."
As God is my witness....or...in Oprah-speak...As I am my witness!
O told interviewer Paula Zahn that she has one big condition for sitting down with OJ: "I don't just want the interview. I want the interview on the condition that you are ready, Mr. Simpson."
Don't hold your breath, O. The only confession you'll ever get from OJ is that he likes cakes and pies as much as you.
So, stay busy on OWN, making new shows like "Oprah's Next Chapter" and "'Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes" and "Oprah Presents Master Class" and "Your OWN Show: Oprah's Search for the Next TV Star."
OMG. O and OJ. OMG.
So many O's, so little interest.
 
Some woman with an ass the size of a '67 Dodge Dart, named Coco, who is married to a man named Ice-T, is calling out singer Nicki Mina by saying that Nicki's, um, ample assets are not really real. And not actually surgically enhanced, but more like, fake. Like stuffing.

Ice-T's wife, Coco--seriously, these are their names--revealed to, of all people, Perez Hilton that, as far as she knows, Nicki is rockin' the fake ass because she read that Nicki admitted her butt is bogus: "Well, I read that it wasn't. I thought that she came out with it. I heard it from her."
Then she quickly backtracked. "Okay I don't know... We're not even going to go there anymore. You know what I say about a lot of stylists that work with me... They work with me, they touch my body, they're doing stuff all day long. So they're doing that same thing to Nicki Minaj and they're saying a little bit different."
So, stylists are telling you, while they are touching your ginormous ass and fake breasts that Nicki is stuffing her drawers?
This is a worthwhile conversation?
Especially when Coco has been accused of wearing a doubtful derriere. But then Coco and her husband Sweet T, are the "stars" of a new reality show, and maybe need a little press.
And what a way to get it. Haul out your massive ass, and then say someone else's massive ass is fake.

Be Gone Oprah

I don't know why I did it, but I watched the last three Oprah Shows. Perhaps it was out of fear that this was all some colossal joke and she wasn't leaving after all, i don't know. But there I was, watching a DVRd Oprah Finale.

Thank god for the DVR so I could fast forward through the awkward parts; and by awkward, I mean Tom Cruise, who always looks so ill-at-ease whenever he's being Tom Cruise and not some mortal-man-saving-the-planet.

Awkward.

And Steadman. Oprah even pulled Steadman out of the crate where she keeps him and he gave a speech; a great big rambling incoherent speech which proved he doesn't really know Oprah at all. The only one who truly knows Oprah is Gayle, and why she chose a fuchsia sausage casing as a dress is beyond me.

But Oprah was Oprah, always commenting on everything that was going on rather than sitting back and enjoying the salute. And repeating everything three or four times. i swear, if you could go back and re-edit all the tapes of the last 25 years and cut out every single time she repeats herself, you probably have about seven years of shows.

And, naturally, whenever she cried, which was often, she gave a look to one of the cameras so we could all feel her emotion.See, Oprah know her audience doesn't really feel anything until she tells them how to feel.

Then there was the last episode, where Oprah paced about the stage and talked about Oprah and the Oprah Show. Talk about awkward. She even said something about her father's single sperm making it to her mother's egg during that one time they had sex under the tree and the result being.......Oprah.

Awkward.

And, except for one brief moment where she reminded us that the Oprah Show wasn't always about doing better, being better, looking better, spiritual mumbo jumbo, but that it was one of those tacky tabloid shows where DNA tests were mentioned and adulterous husbands were outed, Oprah painted herself as our savior.

Thanks O, but no thanks.

But I think what galled me most was her incessant thanking of 'us' for letting her come into our lives and teach us. It made me think that, as my guests left the Cinco de Never party, I should have said, "Thank you for letting me do all of this for you."

As I've always said, the Oprah Show is about Oprah, and nothing else. And now millions of women, and a few men, I'm guessing, will be sitting in front of their TVs every afternoon wondering what they're gonna do with their days and their lives.

Now, before all you Oprah-nuts come out of the woodwork and rage at me because you have nothing to do now that she's gone, let me say this simply; Yes, Oprah did good things. She helped people in need. She told us it was okay to read, although some of us, like me, were reading long before Oprah say it was one of her Favorite Things. She gave money to worthy causes and built a school in Africa--though I wondered why she didn't want to build a "leadership academy' in, say, Chicago. See, Oprah was always about trying to do better and be better, but seemed to be missing the mark herself.

As someone much wiser than me [Hi Froggy] once said--and I'm paraphrasing: For someone who spends so much time telling people happy, she doesn't seem very happy.

Overheard At Work

Co-worker: Did you see where Oprah interviewed James Frey again today?
Me: No. But didn't she ream him for lying in his book, and, more importantly, making her look bad, over four years ago?
Co-worker: Yeah, but then she had an epiphany.....
Me: You mean 'ratings ploy'.
Co-worker: Whatever. She said she was in the shower and she heard a voice telling her to interview him again.
Me: That wasn't a voice. It was Gayle, scrubbing her back.

And................................scene.

Becoming Chaz

I was watching Oprah yesterday. I know. Me? Oprah? Oil? Water? But her guest was Chaz Bono, who was discussing his book, "Transition", and the documentary, Becoming Chaz, which airs tonight on OWN at 9 PM.

See, I am fascinated by what it means to be transgendered. I always have been. I can relate to the struggle to be accepted for who you are, but the struggle to physically alter your body to be your true self is especially difficult. And so many people, even people who you think would know better, believe that gay people wish to be that other gender. Gay men want to be women, and lesbians want to be men. I've actually had co-workers, when I've discussed this issue, ask me if I ever wanted to be a girl. 

And, well, that would be a No. But that's me.

Still, I do see how they can jump to this conclusion. As Chaz said, when he was Chastity, a young girl, heading into puberty, she began to feel attracted to women, so, naturally she assumed she was a lesbian. And she had a public coming out.

But that wasn't the end. She still wasn't happy. There was still something missing. And through therapy, she learned that she was really he; born in the wrong body. And it's quite clear, based on the footage of the documentary, and the interview yesterday, that Chaz is so much happier, more himself, now that he has transitioned.

Like I said, I understand the struggle to come out as gay. That's hard. But to come out and declare that you were born the wrong gender, takes far more courage. People, these days, are more understanding of gay, but transgendered people still have to fight to be understood.

Anyway, if you get OWN, Becoming Chaz airs tonight, at 9 PM Eastern. It really is must-see TV.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But..............

Oh, Lindsay, first the Mob Daughter says 'No' to you portraying her onscreen, and now Stevie Nicks has given you the middle finger, too.
Glenn Beck loves to shoot his mouth off, mostly without thinking. And he loves to stir the pot, making up stories about people, and where they're born and what religion they practice and such.

For a long time the wacktress has expressed interest in portraying Stevie Nicks in a movie of the songbird's life, but the Fleetwood Mac singer not-so-ALLEGEDLY made it quite clear that that she will not let this happen until Lindsay cleans up her act.
And this is straight from the mouth of La Nicks: "That's never going to happen unless she cleans up her life and becomes the great actress I feel she can be. Everybody thinks I hate her, and it's not that at all. I just want her to get it together. I was completely messed up for a long time and I got it together. She's a very talented girl… If she could get it together, she could have a really big career and she could do great things."
But first she'll have to give up the pills and the booze and the stealing of things that don't belong to her; not to mention the DUIs, the kidnapping, the car theft, the rehab, the jail time.
 Yeah, I don't see this movie happening anytime soon.

Now, Beck has created a feud where there once was none,m with the band My Chemical Romance.

And it all started because of Glee.
Beck apparently got his granny panties in a twist when My Chemical Romance song, 'Sing' was performed on the hit show. He then took it upon himself to warn all parents that their children could be watching damaging material and that "our whole culture ... is set up for you and the values you grew up on to lose."
He begged parents to pay attention to the lyrics: "This is propaganda ... It's an anthem saying 'Join us.' How can you and I possibly win against that?"
A song that asks you to 'Join us' sung on a TV show about a high school glee club and it's the beginning the end.
I'd say, Oh how the mighty have fallen, but then Beck was never mighty, except in his own head.
And the song in question that wants the children of America to join My Chemical Romance? Well, it isn't propaganda, it's actually a re-recording of an old song, released to raise money for the Red Cross' efforts in earthquake-ravaged Japan.
How dangerous.
My Chemical Romance lead singer, Gerard Way, says: "I think the word Glenn Beck was looking for was 'subversion' not 'propaganda,' because I don't know what [the lyrics] would be considered propaganda for? Truth? Sentiment? And I can't tell what he's angrier about, the fact that it's how I feel about the persistent sterilization of our culture, or the fact that it's on network television for everyone to hear."
And then Way makes note of the fact that Beck has misquoted the actual lyrics, replacing the term "webways" with "railways."
Gerard Way: "...Railways? Is it 1863? Seen any children living on these lately instead of the Internet? I'm actually shocked that no actual fact-checking was done on the lyrics. I mean, Fox is a major news channel, covering factual topics in an unbiased and intelligent ... oh wait."
Never mind.
Glenn Beck's TV career ends in the coming months. And not a moment too soon.

What a dick.

Andy Dick, that is.
The comic[?] was arrested at a Temecula, California restaurant the other night for, as police put it, acting disorderly, ALLEGEDLY under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.
This comes on the heels of Dick's appearance on Marc Maron's WTF Podcast last week, in which Dick said he was about to embark on a long booze-free period in his life: "There's been times when I haven't drank for three years in a row ... Right now, I know I'm in a very long stretch of complete abstinence and sobriety."
Oops. Never mind.
Dick has also admitted that he's been to rehab eleven times. fingers crossed for Time Number Twelve.

Who will it be?
Who?
Who?

Who will be the last guest on the last episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show.
It has to be someone of superstar status. it has to be someone Oprah admires. it has to be someone whom Oprah finds the most fascinating person in the entire world, and the only person worthy of making TV history by being the Big O's final guest.
Who will it be?
Who?
Who?
Well, sources--and by sources, I mean the team of cake wranglers who keep Oprah in pastries--say the final big-name-greatest-person-ever-in-the-whole-wide-world to be interviewed by Oprah will be..............................................................Oprah.
An insider, who ALLEGEDLY has his lips permanently attached to Winfrey ass, says, "How can one celebrity possibly sum up 25 years of such a groundbreaking show? Who could possibility come on the show and represent everything Oprah has done" from celebrity interviews, to human-interest stories to politics to women's issues to breaking news. She's done it all, my source says, and "only one person could do that and that is Oprah herself."
Well, if Oprah interviews Oprah, they'll need to get two big-assed chairs in the studio, and teams and teams of men to hold up both of those big fat ego-filled heads.

'The Tudors' star Jonathan Rhys Meyers, or as i like to think of him, Britain's Lindsay Lohan, has checked into rehab, again, for alcohol addiction.

In fact, rumor has it that the 33-year-old actor spent 10 days at a London clinic last month.
Ten.Days.
Then he left because he had to go to work. And then stop off at the pub for a pint.
This is ALLEGEDLY Meyers' fourth stint at rehab. It's like he and Lindsay are in a race, though he doesn't seem keen on adding jewel theft and kidnapping to his resume, as Lohan does.
It's been just a year since Rhys Meyers last sought help for his alcohol addiction. That rehab stint came on the heels of his ALLEGEDLY abusing airport staff after they banned him from getting on a flight while intoxicated.
Meyers was also previously arrested in 2007 at the Dublin Airport for being drunk and disturbing the peace, though the charges were later dropped.
He was also detained by police in June 2009 at the Charles De Gaulle Airport in Paris after allegedly assaulting an employee at a bar while drunk.
The incident last year, though, was what ALLEGEDLY caused his long-term girlfriend, Reena Hammer, to say, "Check into rehab or I'm dumping you."
I think he must have taken that for, Check yourself into rehab, but then start drinking again once you come out.

Oh, Jesse James.

You married America's Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock. Then you fucked around on her and got caught, and became The Biggest Loser. And you've spent the last couple of years trying to atone for your ways, asking for forgiveness, saying you still love Sandra.
You have a funny way of showing it, pal.
Jesse James recently told Howard Stern that Kat Von D outperforms Sandra Bullock in the bedroom by 100 fold.
Yeah, that'll win her back.
And this comes after his last interview where he says he secretly wanted to get caught schtupping anything and everything, including the tattooed Nazi girl, during his marriage with Bullock: "I think I wanted to get caught. It was me trying to self sabotage my life."Then he cries when talking about the son he and Bullock wanted to adopt; the son Bullock adopted on her own after he cheated. "I could cry so much about [Louis] until I have to suck it up and keep a stiff upper lip and realize, hey, [there are] three kids that I do have ... I've never seen Louis since everything."
And you think you should be able to see him? You cheat on his mommy and then publicly announce that you've found a better lay, and that should entitle you to some sort of relationship with her son?
Oh, honey. No.

If at first you don't succeed, make your first husband your third husband.

Marie Osmond has remarried ex-husband Stephen Craig. They were initially married from 1982 to 1985 and have a son. Osmond then married music producer Brian Blosil in 1986, and then divorced him in 2007. That marriage brought Osmond seven children--two biological and five adopted.
Osmond, who cited severe mental cruelty when she divorced Craig twenty-five years ago--though they have remained friendly--now says, "I am so happy and look forward to sharing my life with Stephen, who is an amazing man as well as a great father to my children."
This news comes a little more than a year after Osmond's 18-year-old son, Michael Blosil, committed suicide. Rumors of Marie and Stephen remarrying began circulating back then, The re-newlyweds chose May 4 to commemorate the birthdays of both her deceased son and late mother. "It was important that both Michael and my mom were with us on this special day," Osmond says.
Nice, I guess.
The Mormons don't want the gays to marry, but I guess Mormons can marry, and divorce, and marry again, and divorce again, and then remarry their first spouse.
They don't want gays to even marry once.