Overheard At Work

Client [obviously not from around here]: How long have you lived in South Carolina?
Me [lying...because I know where this is headed]: My whole life.
Client: Wow, you don't sound like it at all.
Me: That's because I graduated from the fifth grade.


Co-worker: People keep saying I need to lose my accent.
Other Co-worker: People say that to me, too, but I don't know how.
Me: I know how.
Co-worker and Other Co-worker [in unison]: How?
Me [I am a real southern boy, having been born in Mississippi]: Move to California like I did.
Co-worker: When did you move to California?
Me: When I was six-months old. See? no accent!


Co-worker [pulling up her tank top]:  I keep forgetting I have huge breasts.
Me: Really? That would be like me forgetting I have a huge penis.
Co-worker: How?
Me: I keep tripping over it.

Overheard At Work

Co-worker: I just started taking Chantix to try and stop smoking, but I'm afraid of what the side effects will do to my personality. They sound scary.

Me: What are the side effects?

Co-worker: Well, I could become suicidal....or overly aggressive......or violent....have increased bouts of depression...I could start hallucinating.

Me: Wow! How are we gonna know the difference?

Overheard At Work

Co-worker: Did you see where Oprah interviewed James Frey again today?
Me: No. But didn't she ream him for lying in his book, and, more importantly, making her look bad, over four years ago?
Co-worker: Yeah, but then she had an epiphany.....
Me: You mean 'ratings ploy'.
Co-worker: Whatever. She said she was in the shower and she heard a voice telling her to interview him again.
Me: That wasn't a voice. It was Gayle, scrubbing her back.

And................................scene.