Scott D’Amboise or how to get high while running for Senate

Introductory afterword

This really should have been an afterword, but I had to put it in the beginning, otherwise the meaning of all these footnotes will be lost on the reader. You see, my dear reader, while writing this post I have been high*, that without ingesting or inhaling any mind-altering substances. The cause of my exalted state shall be explained later, in the body of that post. But, while re-reading the post, I have discovered that several statements in it require a footnote. So there.

(*) After yet more R and R, I see that there is a need to correct that. I wasn't really high, rather somewhat elevated. Compared to the main protagonist, Mr D’Amboise and the man who caused his high, I was on a relatively low level.

Main part

You may remember a run-in that Andrew Ian Dodge (AID), a candidate for senate from Main, had with one Steve Martin (SM) - not the comedian. SM, being a man of strict principles (but so many of them that he gets confused trying to stick to) and impeccable moral position (which he lost in the Maine woods and can't find since), "outed" AID as: Libertarian, libertine, closet Marxist-Leninist, non-citizen, Wiccan warlock, sexual deviant, barfly, lounge lizard, running lackey dog of the world government - all that simultaneously (1). If we add to this list hard rock, writing and other AID's favorite occupations, the list as a whole certainly witnesses a stellar activity level and a unique variety of talents.

I have been looking lately at SM, being interested in the life according to this, definitely unorthodox and turbulent person. Life according to SM is a deadly maze of conspiracies, starting with the main one: the "bankers" (if you are with it, you know who is meant):

The "system" isn't broken. We just don't use it anymore. We've allowed our Constitutional Republic to be taken over by a corporate criminal syndicate, working at the behest of the Rockefellers and the oilogarchy that they control.

If I were a scion of Rothschild family, I would be insulted by this modification of the ancient formula, but let's leave this alone for now.  SM, of course is also concerned about the black helicopters of the world government (It is certain that he suspects AID of being able to fly one of these, although he didn't mention it publicly - add another one to the list of AID's talents).

Other complementary beliefs SM holds dear:

On the 9/11 terrorist attacks: The official story is a “fairy tale,” perpetrated by “the obvious winners of 9/11: the globalists, people who want to form a world government.” (3/15/2011) “Al-Qaeda is a CIA creation.” (11/1/2010)

On Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: “He’s going to be on the ark when the flood comes. He’s a bought and paid for new world order stooge, just like the ones at the U.N., just like the ones inside the beltway. And he definitely knows. You don’t get that high without knowing.” (10/4/2010)

         (Emphasis mine - getting high is a key point in this post)

On Aroostook Watchmen’s role in the media: “Really the point that we’re trying to make with this program is that there truly is a cosmic struggle between good and evil and we’re merely pointing out to you how that struggle is playing out locally and in America. The conspiracy that is seeking to bring down this nation, because it was the only nation founded on Christian values, through and through, is the Devil’s conspiracy.” (12/15/2010)

Indeed - you don’t get that high without knowing. Or vice versa, both versions are applicable where SM is concerned, I hope you understand it by now.

SM belongs to a group of folks (grass-root all, but on what grass do they grow and thrive(2)?) that calls itself Aroostook Watchmen and ask the ominous question:

If you are willing to die for your country are you willing to kill for it(3)? It is easy to die but it is a very different thing to fight for the preservation of our country and sad to say there may be a time when you will have to kill to save our country.

Sad to say? The author of this text sounds rather willing and even kind of happy to me(4). Meanwhile, before all that dying and killing starts, Aroostook Watchmen try to make the best of it, sponsoring some strange products, such as (but not limited to):

Ganoderma Healthy Coffee - Healthy Coffee For LifeTM. This coffee contains Ganoderma Lucidum (Red Mushroom)... oops, this could be it! I shall certainly order some, to get to that highest level of awareness.

OXYSILVER™ pioneers a new class of mineral waters (sic!). Must be good after (or during) partaking of the Ganoderma Healthy Coffee, I guess.

ZeroPoint Red NaturaLaser Pointer. This one is special for me, since it is supported by extra-strong scientific evidence: "...light has been shown to be one of the most efficient conduits of energy ever harnessed. It’s why fiber optic wire was chosen for the world’s most critical communications platforms, sending pulses of information-laden light around the world in milliseconds." Mmm... not clear where one should stick that pointer before activating it, but I gather it's good against every malady.

And more, but let's not take over the lucrative business of sponsoring. I just thought it is worth mentioning. After all, good old snake oil wouldn't feed you indefinitely these days, good and old as it may be.

His self-defined goal is:

Educating the people of Maine about the threat of world government as represented by the Trilateral Commission, the Bilderburg Group, and the Council on Foreign Relations and the close ties between our two Democratic senators and these treasonous groups.

Yes, SM is aiming high, but then we have established to our satisfaction that he is flying high. High as kite doesn't even start to describe it - he is somewhere close to the Moon (Luna may be the more suitable term in this case, I suggest) (6). My exploration of his teachings got me only slightly elevated (6), and even this was enough of a revelation to me. A few days after this event I still have mercifully short but still powerful relapses - thus I am trying not to blink, so don't get spooked if you see me this side of 2011.

While being negative about AID challenging the incumbent Maine senator Olympia Snowe, SM is supporting  another candidate: one Scott D’Amboise (SDA). The good SDA's fate was a sad example of SM's mind-altering influence. Probably starting like I, with perusing SM's body of work, SDA proceeded next to phone conversations with SM (bad mistake), sliding further down the chute. And then the inevitable happened, and SDA started his fateful descent(7) into the SM's world. Whether SM did use some mind-altering mushrooms (the Ganoderma coffee, I wonder?) on SDA, or was SDA affectedby something similar to secondary smoking, I wouldn't even try to guess. The fact is, SDA has definitely reached the altitude where SM resides more or less permanently:

Martin: Right now, of course, everything’s mandatory and you have all of this false pursuit of people for political reasons. You have the IRS ‘siced’ on people for political reasons.

D’Amboise: Right.

Martin: We could talk about our good friend Eric Hoven who went to jail because he was so good at exposing the fallacies of the evolutionists.

D’Amboise: Right.

Martin: Well, the vice chairman who served with him, a guy named Kaufman, has now come out as a queer and joined the Democrats, so that should tell you something about where the Republican Party has been recently.

D’Amboise: Exactly, exactly.

Martin: I’ve had people like best-selling author John Perkins come on the show here recently telling me that there’s probably only, Scott, 6,000 total in the so-called Anglo-American elite and they call the shots for the other 6 billion people on the planet.

D’Amboise: They do, they do. And it’s sad that we’ve allowed it to get to that situation.

I suspect that if at this stage of the discussion SM had postulated that the Earth is flat (which it is, as any straight-minded person would agree), SDA would have readily agreed to this, such tremendous was the altitude he reached. Of course, later he disavowed all that, probably in a rare moment of lucidity, but is there a way  back to the pedestrian level for him now? I seriously doubt it, and my doubts are based on additional reports.

The most prominent Republican challenging Olympia Snowe in the Senate GOP primary in Maine says President Obama is “exercising a lot of Muslim faith” and doesn’t believe he is a Christian.

Or this:

It isn’t about the birth, it’s about the birth certificate, and whether they can prove it or not, I think we can take our energy and use it in different areas of trying to get this country back.

(Is there such thing as a half-birther, I wonder? After all, there are halfwits.) Anyhow, I fear that the brain damage caused by the mysterious influence of SM and his Aroostook Watchers to be irreparable. 

But of course, if you are into illogical, impulsive and senseless acts of charity, you can still vote for him, you know... it's a democracy, after all.

You can also join the fine Aroostook Watchmen and go with them out there to the forests of Maine, wearing the camo, drinking Ganoderma Healthy Coffee and OXYSILVER™ mineral waters (at the same time), lighting your way in the darkness by the famous ZeroPoint Red NaturaLaser Pointer (unless you have it stuck elsewhere for medicinal purposes) and watching out for azure, baby pink and green lobsters hiding up there in the crowns of the trees(8).

And the best of luck to you.

Yeah, them footnotes

(1) Only after penning this old post, I have found out that SM also added another facet of AID's busy life: "British socialist". This is a real heavy hit, there is only one more severe accusation one may level at a person, that of British... no, I can't do it here.
(2) I am asking this question because all kinds of mind-altering substances are associated in my mind with hot and humid climates, such as these of South America with all these jungles and stuff. Maine doesn't look to me as a place where one will go to get some interesting looking/tasting mushrooms and what not(5). Unless, of course, it's all about Ganoderma Healthy Coffee.
(3) People, when they are high, should generally avoid carrying and,especially, using arms. It may be hazardous for their health, I suggest.
(4) While re-reading this I have asked myself: how come that people who are that high and, as it goes with people who got to this level of high, should be exceedingly mellow, so how come that the Aroostook Watchmen sound so militant. I understand that militia members should be tough, non-nonsense and overall manly, but...
(5) But maybe Aroostook Watchmen found some other new recipe, like grounding and smoking the lobster carapaces? Or pine cones?
(6) In the hindsight I recognize this point in my reading of SM's website as one where my state of mind was altered. I definitely remember the moment when my, usually flat and two-dimensional screen, opened for me to get a glimpse of the horrors waiting in another dimension, like Bilderburg gang (not to be confused with Bilderberg one), Spaghetti Monster, ZioMasonic reptilians and much, much more.
(7) Surely you understand that "descent" is a totally wrong word for the powerful experience of getting high in the company of such an uplifting personality as SM. Apologies for using that cliche.
(8) It is obvious by now that I am still experiencing  flashbacks. Potent stuff, that...