Seth Meyers:
"Donald Trump has been saying that he will run for president as a Republican, which is surprising since I just assumed he was running as a joke."
Trump was not amused.
President Obama:
"Donald Trump is here tonight ... Now, I know that he's taken some flak lately but no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than the Donald. And that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter, like, 'Did we fake the moon landing?' 'What really happened in Roswell?' And 'Where are Biggie and Tupac?'"
Trump was not amused.
President Obama:
"Matt Damon said he was disappointed in my performance. Well, Matt, I just saw The Adjustment Bureau so ... right back at ya, buddy!"
President Obama about Michele Bachmann's run for the presidency:
"I hear she was born in Canada. Yes, Michele, this is how it starts."
Seth Meyers:
"John Hamm looks the way every Republican thinks they look. Zach Galifianakis looks the way Republicans thinks every Democrat looks."
President Obama, after his "birth video" played--a clip from the movie The Lion King which featured the birth of Simba alongside his Kenyan Lion King father:
"I just want to make clear to the Fox News table, that was a joke. That was not my real birth video."
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